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Jimmy Carrs latest script

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  • Jimmy Carrs latest script

    I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him
    > in front of a steam train.
    >
    > He was chuffed to bits.
    >
    >
    >
    > I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty
    > and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
    >
    > She turned out to be an undercover detective.
    >
    > How cool is that at her age?!
    >
    >
    >
    > I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
    > She said I had to stop w @nking.
    >
    > When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
    >
    >
    > I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
    > mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
    >
    >
    > When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the
    > kids.
    >
    > I took her out with one punch.
    >
    >
    >
    > I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a
    > gravestone. I said "morning."
    >
    > He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."
    >
    >
    >
    > Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around
    > in.
    >
    >
    >
    > I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick
    > pocketed.
    >
    > How could anyone stoop so low?
    >
    >
    >
    > I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a
    > fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
    >
    > I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
    >
    Still Searching,
    Dick Whittington

  • #2
    That is some funny stuff right there.
    Sent from the iPad you "lost"

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