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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him
> in front of a steam train.
>
> He was chuffed to bits.
>
>
>
> I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty
> and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
>
> She turned out to be an undercover detective.
>
> How cool is that at her age?!
>
>
>
> I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
> She said I had to stop w @nking.
>
> When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
>
>
> I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
> mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
>
>
> When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the
> kids.
>
> I took her out with one punch.
>
>
>
> I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a
> gravestone. I said "morning."
>
> He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."
>
>
>
> Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around
> in.
>
>
>
> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick
> pocketed.
>
> How could anyone stoop so low?
>
>
>
> I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a
> fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
>
> I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
>
> in front of a steam train.
>
> He was chuffed to bits.
>
>
>
> I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty
> and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
>
> She turned out to be an undercover detective.
>
> How cool is that at her age?!
>
>
>
> I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
> She said I had to stop w @nking.
>
> When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
>
>
> I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
> mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
>
>
> When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the
> kids.
>
> I took her out with one punch.
>
>
>
> I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a
> gravestone. I said "morning."
>
> He replied, "No, just having a sh!t."
>
>
>
> Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around
> in.
>
>
>
> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick
> pocketed.
>
> How could anyone stoop so low?
>
>
>
> I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a
> fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
>
> I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
>
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