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  • NTL letter

    Sounds just like our dealings with NTL, but he didn't have the police turn up at 4am to ask who'd called 999 from this number!... we showed them the cut cable hanging out of the pavement and they went away!...

    Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
    letter
    >of the year...have a laugh and read on.
    >
    >Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A
    >real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints
    dept....)
    >
    >
    >Dear Cretins,
    >
    >I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up foryour
    >3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this
    three-month
    >period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously
    >considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidityof monolithic
    proportions.
    >Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue
    >your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or
    >more likely
    >(I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you
    >while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the
    >bog in your office:
    >
    >My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
    spending
    >an entire Saturday sitting on my fat a*se waiting for your technician to
    >arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to
    >your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot
    woman
    >telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?
    >
    >I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes
    -an
    >activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The
    rescheduled
    >installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician
    >did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his
    >cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
    >had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
    arrived...
    >six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate
    your
    >internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about
    6pm -midnight,
    >Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I amstill waiting for my telephone
    connection.
    >I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been
    unhelpfully
    >transferred to avariety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also
    >highlyskilled bollock jugglers.
    >
    >I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will
    >call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call
    >me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not
    >a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be
    transferred
    >to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that
    >your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been
    >redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other
    variations
    >on this theme.
    >
    >Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
    thousand
    >other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those
    crucially
    >important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don'tcare, it's far more
    >satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout
    >them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
    >therefore, if I continue.
    >
    >I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of god-
    >awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
    disinterested,
    >less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers.
    >That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is
    there?
    >How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable
    dissatisfaction
    >and disappointment what a useless shower of *******s you truly are. You
    are
    >sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
    >
    >
    >British Telecom - w*nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
    >of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
    inadequacy.
    >Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest
    >to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any
    potential
    >future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have
    >so pointedly and catastrophically failed todeliver - any such activity will
    >be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by
    derision,
    >and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with
    >great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and
    complete
    >contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that
    they
    >have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist
    >at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if
    you
    >did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider
    them
    >the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
    employees.
    >
    >
    >Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
    irritatingly
    >incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of ****s.
    >
    >John
    nee nar nee nar, i'm a fire engine!

  • #2
    That's brilliant I was a lot less clever when I told NTL where to shove their phone service
    Roger

    My Pointer ate the dog trainer

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    • #3
      I prefer the cable service, you phone up and hold for three days contantly being reminded by a monotone woman that they are experiancing an outage of service in Shetland and that the fault will be rectified shortly only to discover after eventually talking to someone in Wales that they unregistered you for no apparent reason!
      Why diddnt that guy have a pet elephant, it would have been a better gesture!
      www.thegamingunion.co.uk

      Comment


      • #4
        Funnily enough in this months Which? magazine there's an update on ISP's broadband services. Guess which one came way out front as bottom for customer satisfaction?

        What worries me is that NTL & Telewest want to merge. God help all us Telewest customers if NTL become the dominant partner. I think I'll go back to BT and get a Sky box if that happens.
        Mike G

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        • #5
          i got sky and bt ha ha ha
          it's in me shed, mate.

          Comment


          • #6
            I am DEF going back to BT. Every night from 5 till 7, and certain times of weekend I have a connection thats slower the snail band dial up. Its supposed to be 2Mb! And thats when I can get a connection of course!

            Rang the disinterested gimps up, only to be told, (after and agonising 25 minute onhold session) that its because round here its an old system and they cant keep the signal strength up to what its supposed to be. Nothing they can do about it, put up with it!

            Spoke to someone about cancelling the contract only to be told, i cant as its a 12month contract. I said WATCH ME!!!!! Going to get BT in, and cancel the direct debit!

            They are in breach of contract as they sell their BBand as "always on" when its clearly not.
            I NEED TO OFFROAD!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Danno
              I am DEF going back to BT. Every night from 5 till 7, and certain times of weekend I have a connection thats slower the snail band dial up. Its supposed to be 2Mb! And thats when I can get a connection of course!

              Rang the disinterested gimps up, only to be told, (after and agonising 25 minute onhold session) that its because round here its an old system and they cant keep the signal strength up to what its supposed to be. Nothing they can do about it, put up with it!

              Spoke to someone about cancelling the contract only to be told, i cant as its a 12month contract. I said WATCH ME!!!!! Going to get BT in, and cancel the direct debit!

              They are in breach of contract as they sell their BBand as "always on" when its clearly not.

              i had a similar thing with aol when i moved here.in the end i told them i was going to cancel my card and they said they will take me to court.with that i got onto the payment section and told them what was going on and they said because of the hassle i had they would take the b/band and put it to dial up and then cancel the contract and it cost me about £90 instead of 10 months at £17.99
              so it might be worth speaking to the payment dept and see if they can arrange something
              https://www.facebook.com/groups/henpals/

              Comment


              • #8
                wow I wish I'd read that before I sent my vented spleen to the woolwich...........

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