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  • #61
    Back to the Jokes .............................. ..


    Next time you think you're having a bad day read this......

    1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

    2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

    3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

    4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his walkman.

    5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

    And the capper.......

    6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting that it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

    Here's hoping your day is better than any of these!
    NEVER REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE...REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVEN'T

    Comment


    • #62
      of course
      [center][font=Microsoft Sans Serif][size=7][color=magenta][u][b][img]http://www.gifs.net/animate/hipgrl12.gif[/img][/b][/u][/color][/size] [img]http://www.gifs.net/animate/hipmn1.gif[/img][/font][/center][center][img]http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jim_ashton/shyAV5.jpg[/img][/center][center][b][color=#ff00ff][size=7][u]E[/u][/size][u][size=5]ms [/size][size=5]&[/size][size=7] J[/size][size=5]im[/size][/u][/color][/b][/center]

      Comment


      • #63
        Last one for today......................... .........

        Teacher asks the class to use the word contagious.
        First kid stands up and says
        "last year I got the measles and mum said it was very contagious."


        Next kid gets up and says
        " Nan says there is a flu going round and it is contagious"

        And of course little Johnny has to put his two cents worth in

        "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush and my dad says it will take the contagious"




        NEVER REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE...REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVEN'T

        Comment


        • #64
          Attached Files
          [center][font=Microsoft Sans Serif][size=7][color=magenta][u][b][img]http://www.gifs.net/animate/hipgrl12.gif[/img][/b][/u][/color][/size] [img]http://www.gifs.net/animate/hipmn1.gif[/img][/font][/center][center][img]http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jim_ashton/shyAV5.jpg[/img][/center][center][b][color=#ff00ff][size=7][u]E[/u][/size][u][size=5]ms [/size][size=5]&[/size][size=7] J[/size][size=5]im[/size][/u][/color][/b][/center]

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          • #65
            Sorry couldn't help myself........................ ....

            Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in the UK.

            The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Cambridge, I learned to be clean and sanitary." The man then left the bathroom with an air of pretention.

            The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Oxford, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious." He then strode from the bathroom with a purposeful air.

            The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In Australia, we're taught not to **** on our hands."

            NEVER REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE...REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVEN'T

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            • #66
              Childrens books that never made it .

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              • #67
                OK, how about this one then.......................... ...& this one.............and this one......................
                Attached Files
                NEVER REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE...REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVEN'T

                Comment


                • #68
                  Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when
                  their carts collide.


                  One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking
                  for my wife."


                  "What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife as
                  well, and I'm getting a little desperate."


                  "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does
                  your wife look like?"


                  "She's tall, with long blond hair, long firm legs,
                  huge boobs and a very nice tight butt. What's
                  your wife look like?"


                  "Never mind, let's look for yours!
                  Dave

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                  • #69
                    A woman was in a coma. The Nurses were in her room
                    giving her a sponge bath.


                    One of them was washing her private area and
                    noticed that there was a response on the monitor
                    when she touched her. They went to her husband
                    and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy
                    as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do
                    the trick and bring her out of the coma."


                    The husband was skeptical, but they assured him
                    that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The
                    hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room.


                    After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined,
                    no pulse, no heart rate.


                    The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" they
                    cried. The husband said, "I guess she choked."
                    Dave

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      I will never look at the ads for barclays seriously again !!!
                      [img]http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/tiere/animal-smiley-022.gif[/img][img]http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/tiere/animal-smiley-022.gif[/img][img]http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/auto/car-smiley-006.gif[/img] [b][color=red]Anyone for [u]fluffy[/u] wheeltrims[/color][/b]

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                      • #71
                        sorry here it is
                        Attached Files
                        [img]http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/tiere/animal-smiley-022.gif[/img][img]http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/tiere/animal-smiley-022.gif[/img][img]http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/auto/car-smiley-006.gif[/img] [b][color=red]Anyone for [u]fluffy[/u] wheeltrims[/color][/b]

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                        • #72
                          http://www.airtoons.com/home.php

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                          • #73
                            Worth a look

                            http://looser.com/flash/flytterdeg.htm


                            Keith
                            I never ever apologise for anything. http://www.onestopshopformultimedia.com/smile.gif If you dont like it I am sorry but thats the way I am

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