been a while

[bobo]

not posted for a while, my mum passed away last june and it has knocked me way down after the shock/denial (that I didn't realise I was in). I have lost interest in all the stuff I used to enjoy and can hardly face the stuff I used to find a pain.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and trying to find a way back as there is no point letting this ruin my life and drag all those around me down.
I am finding this easier said than done, I know what I want to get back to, its finding the how that is proving difficult.
any and all help would be much appreciated
Bobo

[TonyN]

Go and do a road trip somewhere scenic in the Surf for a few days!

Welcome back, your life has to go on........

[marky]

not posted for a while, my mum passed away last june and it has knocked me way down after the shock/denial (that I didn't realise I was in). I have lost interest in all the stuff I used to enjoy and can hardly face the stuff I used to find a pain.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and trying to find a way back as there is no point letting this ruin my life and drag all those around me down.
I am finding this easier said than done, I know what I want to get back to, its finding the how that is proving difficult.
any and all help would be much appreciated
Bobo

I can relate to what you are going through as i have been on this journey as well. I am having Counselling which has helped a lot i've also been to see a medium as this was recommended by a friend. If you need to talk let me know & i will listen & help you as much as i can. GOOD LUCK.

[M35A2]

Sorry to hear you are going through it mate.

My grandad died a year and a half ago. He was a soldier throughout WW2 and survived 6 years of fighting, only to die of throat cancer. In his last 2 years he was reduced to eating baby food. In the end he died not even knowing who we were because of the pain killers he was on.

This was very hard for me, as we were very close. It's been a hard year and a half. But what made things better for me was that I knew he was better off going to a better place than to live like that. I know I wouldn't.

Just try and tell yourself that your mum wouldn't want you to be like this and that she would tell you to get on and enjoy life, as it's only too short.

Not much help I know, but this is just a piece of my thoughts.

[bobo]

Marky

I can relate to what you are going through as i have been on this journey as well. I am having Counselling which has helped a lot i've also been to see a medium as this was recommended by a friend. If you need to talk let me know & i will listen & help you as much as i can. GOOD LUCK.

Thanks I really appreciate it. I am having counselling 3 sessions so far once a fortnight not sure if it is helping. I have been looking for anything that can help me come to terms with this, I don't have any religious beliefs but try to keep an open mind and have looked into stuff about the afterlife, but I am not convinced too sceptical I guess plus being so low I am seeing everything in a negative way. I am still looking for something that will convince me I have looked at stuff covering lots of aspects of the "paranormal" and am still looking
I am thinking about seeing a medium but want to find one with a good reputation.
I think it would help if I could find something that I could believe as it seems that people I have spoken to have beliefs of some kind that helps them cope
thanks again
Bobo

[The Lovely Boyo]

Freddie

If you didn't care, it wouldn't be hard to let go. As Tony says - you have to make the effort to get out there.

Your post shows you want to do that.

How about the Welsh run in May? Low key and very laid back.

You've taken the first steps - you just have to keep going - your mother would not have wanted it any other way.

[Sancho]

As the saying goes, the only way out is the way through.

You are probably on the road back if you are beginning to understand how you feel. Go easy on yourself for a bit and give yourself time to grieve properly. There isn't an easy way, you just have to look after yourself and let it all wash over you. You will find that the grief diminishes over time and you will start to feel better.

Take a holiday, not to get away from it all but just to reduce the pressure of life (i.e. work etc) and to see some natural beauty. I always like the Lake District or the Highlands.

You don't have to be religious to have faith.

Best of luck and welcome back.

[bobo]

Sorry to hear you are going through it mate.

My grandad died a year and a half ago. He was a soldier throughout WW2 and survived 6 years of fighting, only to die of throat cancer. In his last 2 years he was reduced to eating baby food. In the end he died not even knowing who we were because of the pain killers he was on.

This was very hard for me, as we were very close. It's been a hard year and a half. But what made things better for me was that I knew he was better off going to a better place than to live like that. I know I wouldn't.

Just try and tell yourself that your mum wouldn't want you to be like this and that she would tell you to get on and enjoy life, as it's only too short.

Not much help I know, but this is just a piece of my thoughts.

thank you it is a great help that you have taken the time to offer help and I really appreciate it
I can't seem to convince myself about there being an afterlife and I think this is where I am my own worst enemy! my wife doesn't question it and firmly believes she will be with her loved ones in some kind of afterlife.
it seems to be that most people have some kind of belief system but I have yet to find anything that I can believe
thanks again
Bobo

[Chillitt]

Bobo, I would leave the mediums alone till you get your head together. There are a lot of charlatans out there who will just mess you up. Just saying you are suffering is a good thing, many people will just struggle on and pretend they are fine. Try something new, just to break the pattern. If you find yourself slugging infront of the telly rather than doing something 'usefull', dont even go in the room with it. find jobs to do, make jobs to do! even if its just going for a walk. Don't try and fix everything in one go. Like the man said the only way to eat an elephant, is one bite at a time. good luck !

[M35A2]

thank you it is a great help that you have taken the time to offer help and I really appreciate it
I can't seem to convince myself about there being an afterlife and I think this is where I am my own worst enemy! my wife doesn't question it and firmly believes she will be with her loved ones in some kind of afterlife.
it seems to be that most people have some kind of belief system but I have yet to find anything that I can believe
thanks again
Bobo

Don't mention it mate.

Try and get hold of yesterdays Daily Mail. It has a double page spread about the after life. I have yet to read the whole artical but it was saying that it is well known in the Nursing field that people who die sometimes say they have had a visit from a dead relative just before they themselves die.

When the person in hospital tells the Nurses of what has happened, the Nurses tell each other to get ready for that persons death. Sure enough, shortly after they die.

I can't say there is an after life or not. But the way I look at it is that we have all been dead at some point, because before we were born we were dead, we didn't exist. Then one day we were born and we live our lives. BUT, what happened before we were born? When we are alive we can't be anyone else, so maybe when we die that's it, finished. But that then sets us free to be born again as a totally different person????

It's very complicated and I think maybe you have spent too long trying to understand it.

Look at the Universe. It was born from the big bang, but what caused the big bang in the first place? How long was there nothing before the big bang? How far out does space go? What is beyond?

All these questions just cannot be answered. I think the same goes for if there is life after death. But as we are made of matter that comes from dead stars, who knows what can be possible??

[bobo]

Freddie

If you didn't care, it wouldn't be hard to let go. As Tony says - you have to make the effort to get out there.

Your post shows you want to do that.

How about the Welsh run in May? Low key and very laid back.

You've taken the first steps - you just have to keep going - your mother would not have wanted it any other way.

you have really hit the nail on the head!
about my finding it hard to let go. I have been doing a lot of self analasis and recognise that is one of my traits and I hope I can find a way to learn to let go as it is always going to come up in life.
Also not sure if I should make anything of this! but my mum was born in Wales (Abercomboi near Abedare) she only lived there until she was about 10 when they moved away for work for her dad
we took her back about 10 years ago and went to the house she lived in and the people that lived there saw us outside and made us very welcome we spent the afternoon with them and they remembered my mums family and reminisced with my mum about the families that my mum had memories of. all in all it couldn't have been better.
I'll see if I can make the run in may but I am struggling to motivate myself to deal with stuff I need to do and the fact that I can't is bothering me
thank you for the reply it really helps and gives me something to think about
Bobo

[marky]

You need to offload all that is bothering you! This takes time but is worth it in the end, I saw a MEDIUM as i had other issues as i never had the chance to say Goodbye to my mum as she had a sudden stroke which took her away from me & i never got the chance to say I LOVE YOU. I have watched my Father go down hill for 5 years & he turned to the bottle. In this case i had to see life from his eyes. He sadly passed away last March & its been hard but with the help of HELEN my Counsellor life is starting to come back to me.
Its not easy but you have to set yourself a goal & focus on getting yourself together again. Family is precious & so are good friends that understand & you have a lot of friends who have been there so if times are bad we are there for you.

[bobo]

As the saying goes, the only way out is the way through.

You are probably on the road back if you are beginning to understand how you feel. Go easy on yourself for a bit and give yourself time to grieve properly. There isn't an easy way, you just have to look after yourself and let it all wash over you. You will find that the grief diminishes over time and you will start to feel better.

Take a holiday, not to get away from it all but just to reduce the pressure of life (i.e. work etc) and to see some natural beauty. I always like the Lake District or the Highlands.

You don't have to be religious to have faith.

Best of luck and welcome back.

Thank you for the wise words of advice. I am not sure if I understand how I feel and I find it difficult to go easy on myself as I feel I should be coping better than I am and feel I am letting everyone around me down.
your words "give yourself time to grieve properly. There isn't an easy way, you just have to look after yourself and let it all wash over you. You will find that the grief diminishes over time and you will start to feel better." I will try to take on board as I hadn't considered this before.
also I am finding that the pressure of life does seem overwhelming so I intend to take your advice to take a holiday to reduce the pressure I hadn't looked at the idea of a doing that I had no interest in a holiday on the basis that holidays are about having fun and I felt I would spoil the holiday for others.
I am trying to find a way to get some faith and hadn't seperated faith from religion so thank you for your wise words again
Bobo

[bobo]

Bobo, I would leave the mediums alone till you get your head together. There are a lot of charlatans out there who will just mess you up. Just saying you are suffering is a good thing, many people will just struggle on and pretend they are fine. Try something new, just to break the pattern. If you find yourself slugging infront of the telly rather than doing something 'usefull', dont even go in the room with it. find jobs to do, make jobs to do! even if its just going for a walk. Don't try and fix everything in one go. Like the man said the only way to eat an elephant, is one bite at a time. good luck !

Thanks for giving me another perspective on this. I have tended to think that cos you see people coping they have qualities that I lack but from what you say they could be pretending they are fine.
also I am going to have to force myself to try something new to break the pattern cos the pattern I am repeating is not helping, and it seems that most people reckon this is the thing to do.
I don't find myself slugging in front of the telly as I find it allows me to dwell on negative stuff. and programs I used to enjoy just irritate me now!
I do find it hard to motivate myself to tackle jobs and what I realise now is that I do is want to fix everything in one go and that overwhelms me. so your advice about eating an elephant one bite at a time is something I need to learn to do .
Just going for a walk is something that I struggle to do because I feel I should be spending my time doing something useful instead
thanks for all your advice
Bobo

[marky]

As everybody has said their piece & they are all right in their own way but we all feel & handle things in our own way. So now is the time to think Positive & plan where you are going on your lifes journey.
If you are down & you need some Inspiration pop on the Forum & we will be their for you.