Drunk

[Linda]

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."

[colincd]

Same guy gets pulled over a couple of days later.

Officer = "Please Blow into this Bag Sir"

Guy = "Why what does that bag do?"

Officer = "That bag tells me if your drunk or not Sir"

Guy = "No Need Officer I have Got an Old Bag indoors that tells me if I am Drunk or Not"


Boom Boom

[Rob]

Not really a joke...

Our Beer,
Which art in Barrels.
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home, as it is in the pub.
Forgive us this day our daily spillages,
as we forgive those that spill against us.
For thine is the beer,
The Bitter and the Lager,
For ever and ever,
Barman.