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What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y
What did one Angel say to the other ?
Halo there
How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year"
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithful
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it
Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach
What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
Cinderellephant
What's the scariest pantomime?
Ghouldilocks and the three bears
On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow?
On the outside
What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come
What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A flying car-pet
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you
Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised
Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones
Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them
What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer
What’s the difference between a biscuit and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea
If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop
Why don't reindeer like penguins?
They can't get the wrappers off
Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch
What did the dog say to the reindeer?
Woof, woof
What’s the difference between a reindeer and a grape?
They're both purple, except for the reindeer
What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
Frost bite
What's white, furry and smells of mint?
A polo bear
What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats
What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
Icerbergers with chilli sauce
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost
Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
Santa Paws
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
Because he's Sooty !
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV aerial.
Teacher: Why did you bring that Christmas plant to school?
Student: Don't worry. It's just for the holly-days.
You get tinsel-itus
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y
What did one Angel say to the other ?
Halo there
How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year"
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who?
Wenceslas train home?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oakham
Oakham who?
Oakham all ye faithful
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it
Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach
What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?
Cinderellephant
What's the scariest pantomime?
Ghouldilocks and the three bears
On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow?
On the outside
What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come
What kind of pet did Aladdin have?
A flying car-pet
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you
Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic macs
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
Because he didn't want to be recognised
Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones
Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them
What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
Baby reindeer
What’s the difference between a biscuit and a reindeer?
You can't dunk a reindeer in your tea
If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?
A retail shop
Why don't reindeer like penguins?
They can't get the wrappers off
Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch
What did the dog say to the reindeer?
Woof, woof
What’s the difference between a reindeer and a grape?
They're both purple, except for the reindeer
What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
Frost bite
What's white, furry and smells of mint?
A polo bear
What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats
What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
Icerbergers with chilli sauce
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost
Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
Santa Paws
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
Because he's Sooty !
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV aerial.
Teacher: Why did you bring that Christmas plant to school?
Student: Don't worry. It's just for the holly-days.
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