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Here are the five great lessons in life................
Lesson 1
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look
and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologized: "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in
a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so
I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw
the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found
that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually
thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy; Not everyone who gets you
out of sh*t is your friend; and When you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut.
Lesson 1
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look
and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologized: "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and
looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in
a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so
I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw
the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found
that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually
thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy; Not everyone who gets you
out of sh*t is your friend; and When you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut.
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