Obama

[slobodan]

Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates. He is very excited; all his life he's had a secret wish and longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.

'No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'

'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.'

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?'

'No, I am Jesus . . . You will find Mohammed higher up.'

Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question: 'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.

'No, my son . . . . I am Almighty God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee?

''Yes! Please, my Lord.'
God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out: 'Yo, Mohammed - - two coffees!'

[lord lucan]

oh sloba that is so old

[slobodan]

oh sloba that is so old

Sorry, I suppose you are at the sharp end in Braintree.

This one?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?
His wise father replied,

"Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

[lord lucan]

another one as old as the eel,s , sorry about the pun

[slobodan]

Woman is checking out at Tesco's. She's got some toilet paper, frozen dinners and other stuff.
Guy behind her says "I bet you are single."
She says "you can tell that from my groceries?"
"nah" he says "it's cause yer so #### ing ugly"

[lord lucan]

from sky news ,the dead mi6 agent found in a bag in his london flat has been named as brian shepard. he is thought to have been stabbed and put into a hot bath first.
police are treating it as a boil in the bag shepard spy.

[slobodan]

[Wolfracer]

lift broken in a block of flats so Dave has to use the stairs. he only lives on the 4th floor, so thinks "easy".
Off he goes...
At the first floor, he sees a group of scantily clad ladies who offer him a choice - "A night with us, whatever you want or carry on to lifelong success..?"
"Well a night with you would be great, but a whole life of success? I'll carry on thanks"
At the second floor he meets a man dripping in gold. He is offered the choice of a million pounds or carry on to success. "Well, if I'm successful, I'll make more than a million" he thinks, so carries on.
At the third floor he meets Simon Cowell, who tells him he has a choice "either a lifelong career in the music industry enjoying all the rewards which come with the lifestyle or you may carry on to success......"
"Well, I could be a recording artist if i was successful, as well as enjoying some ladies and having a million pounds, so I think I'll carry on....."
By the time he reaches his own floor, he is exhausted, but keen to find his reward.
He opens his door, and on his bed.......
















wait for it........



















is.............

















a guy who says......



















"Hiya big boy, I'm Ces!"