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The Marriage
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I
told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey
Warning Issued By Yorkshire Police:
Clubbers in West Yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject Ecstasy directly into their mouths.
This dangerous practice is known as 'E by gum' and should be reported immediately.
>
>
> My 1 day employment
>
> So after landing my new job as an Asda greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...
>
> About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
> I said pleasantly, Good morning and welcome to Asda. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?
> The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, no, they aint twins.. The oldest ones 9, and the other ones 7. Why the hell would you think the'yre twins? Are you blind, or stupid?
> So I replied, Im neither blind nor stupid, Madam, I just couldnt believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda.
> My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work .
>
Police in Liverpool just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi automatic rifles with 2,500 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tonnes of heroin, £2 million cash in used banknotes, £50 million in forged banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.
Local residents were amazed.
A spokesman said:
"We never knew we had a library!"
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I
told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey
Warning Issued By Yorkshire Police:
Clubbers in West Yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject Ecstasy directly into their mouths.
This dangerous practice is known as 'E by gum' and should be reported immediately.
>
>
> My 1 day employment
>
> So after landing my new job as an Asda greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...
>
> About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
> I said pleasantly, Good morning and welcome to Asda. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?
> The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, no, they aint twins.. The oldest ones 9, and the other ones 7. Why the hell would you think the'yre twins? Are you blind, or stupid?
> So I replied, Im neither blind nor stupid, Madam, I just couldnt believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda.
> My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work .
>
Police in Liverpool just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi automatic rifles with 2,500 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tonnes of heroin, £2 million cash in used banknotes, £50 million in forged banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.
Local residents were amazed.
A spokesman said:
"We never knew we had a library!"
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