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1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius) -love this one
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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
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(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
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7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
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(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
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And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
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Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...
Then you are just an old sour fart!
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One for the ladies........
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..'
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you...'
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death!
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'
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Send this to funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to men who have enough sense of humor to take it!
(because they are plugged into a genius) -love this one
-----------------------------------------------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
-----------------------------------------------
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
-----------------------------------------------
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
-----------------------------------------------
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
-----------------------------------------------
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
-----------------------------------------------
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
-----------------------------------------------
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
-----------------------------------------------
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
-----------------------------------------------
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
-----------------------------------------------
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...
Then you are just an old sour fart!
-----------------------------------------------
One for the ladies........
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..'
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you...'
-----------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
---------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death!
AMEN
-----------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
-----------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual..'
-----------------------------------------------
Send this to funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to men who have enough sense of humor to take it!
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