Bad Day

[Cockney Surfer]

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of
> >>forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
male
> >>was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
> >>flippers, and face mask.
> >>
> >>A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
> >>massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
> >>identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully
> >>clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
> >>
> >>It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the
> >>coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to
> >>control
> >>the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters
with
> >>very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at
the
> >>site of the forest fire.
> >>
> >>You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
> >>Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket
300
> >>feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
> >>____________________________ ______________
> >>
> >>Still think you're having a bad day?
> >>
> >>A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the
> >>kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped
into
> >>gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as
it
> >>burst through the glass patio doors.
> >>
> >>His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and
> >>bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for
an
> >>ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down
the
> >>several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her
> >>husband.
> >>
> >>While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to Right
> >>the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the
> >>spilled
> >>gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet. After
> >>being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered
> >>patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the
> >>bathroom
> >>and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.
> >>About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
> >>
> >>The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband
> >>screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers
blown
> >>away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned
for
> >>an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
> >>
> >>As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they
> >>asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They
> >>started
> >>laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and Dumping the husband
out.
> >>He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
> >>____________________________ ____________
> >>
> >>Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...
> >>
> >>The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
Spill
> >>in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively
> >>saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers an
> >>applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale
ate
> >>them both.
> >>
> >>____________________________ ___________________
> >>
> >>
> >>Still think you are having a bad day?
> >>
> >>A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically,
> >>almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his
waist
> >>towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
> >>current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
> >>two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his
> >>Walkman.
> >>____________________________ ___________________
> >>
> >>
> >>STILL think you're having a bad day?
> >>
> >>Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of Sending
> >>pigs
> >>to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
> >>broke
> >>loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two
> >>hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
> >>____________________________ ___________________
> >>
> >>What?! STILL having a bad day??
> >>
> >>Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb.
> >>It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was
the
> >>bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?
> >>
> >
>

[Simon.O.]

That one about the swimmer found in a forrest after a fire is one of the oldest myths arroundI am a Firefighter and have used Monsoon buckets a few times. I can tell you that a mouse would have a hard enough time exiting one of these through the spray ring let alone a swimmer or diver or any other human.
So next time someone sends that one or tells you it then just smile and remember that it is B@LLOCKS !!!!

[Granville]

You know its going to be a bad day ahead when...

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
Your horn goes off in your surf accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the M1.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pants
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex.