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Sometimes, when I look at my
Children, I say to myself,
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)-
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt-
<> ;<>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain-
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns-
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit
People only once a year.
- Victor Borge-
<><>
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain-
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good
Wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad
One, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates-
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should
Have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante-
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor-
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single
Glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine-
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a
Cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield-
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it
Does bring you a more pleasant
Form of misery.
- Spike Milligan-
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my
Name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath-
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything
Until noon.. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope-
<><>
I never drink water because of the
Disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W.. C. Fields-
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging
Process down if it had to work its
Way through Congress.
- Will Rogers-
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill-
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins
At fifty .. But everything else starts
To wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller-
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to
Watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal-
Children, I say to myself,
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)-
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt-
<> ;<>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain-
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns-
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit
People only once a year.
- Victor Borge-
<><>
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain-
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good
Wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad
One, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates-
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should
Have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante-
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor-
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single
Glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine-
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a
Cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield-
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it
Does bring you a more pleasant
Form of misery.
- Spike Milligan-
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my
Name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath-
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything
Until noon.. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope-
<><>
I never drink water because of the
Disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W.. C. Fields-
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging
Process down if it had to work its
Way through Congress.
- Will Rogers-
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill-
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins
At fifty .. But everything else starts
To wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller-
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to
Watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal-