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How to read a Haynes Manual.....
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise
Translation :Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise
Haynes: This is a snug fit
Translation:Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer
Haynes: As described in chapter 7...
Translation:That'll teach you not to read through befor you start.Now
you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes:Undo
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size)
Haynes: Pry
Translation:Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG "where the fcuk did that go ?"
Haynes:Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK thats the glass bit off,now fetch some good pliers to dig out
the bayonet part(and maybe a plaster or two)
Haynes:Lightly...
Translation : Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are
throbbing then clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Weekly checks
Translation: If it isnt broken dont fix it
Haynes:Rountine maintenance
Translation:If it isnt broken,its about to be.We warned you...
Haynes: One spanner rating
Translation:An infant could do this...so so how did you manage to fcuk it up?
Haynes:Two spanner rating
Translation:Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low,teensy weensy number..but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground(in fact that would have been more use to you)
Haynes:Three spanner rating
Translation: Make sure you wont need your car for a couple of days.
Haynes:Four spanner rating
Translation:Your not seriously considering this are you ?
Haynes:Five spanner rating
Translation:OK but dont ever carry your loved ones in it again.
Haynes:If not you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation:Hahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahah
Haynes:Compress
Translation:Squeeze with all your might ,jump up and down on it,throw it at the garage wall,then find some molegrips with a hammer...
Haynes:Inspect
Translation:Squint at it really hard and pretend you know what your looking at,then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep ,as i thought.its going to need a new one".
Haynes:Carefully
Translation:You are about to suffer deep abrasions.
Haynes: Retaining nut
Translation:Yes thats it,that big blob of rust.
Haynes:Get an assistant
Translation:Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes:Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs remover.
Translation:However starting the engine afterwards will be much harder.once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided,you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence of removal.
Translation: Yeah ,right but you swear in different places
Haynes:Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes:Using a suitable drift...
Translation:Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
Haynes:Everyday tool kit
Translation:RAC card and Mobile phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation Unless you have a blast furnace ,dont bother.Alternatively clamp
with mole grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer...
Haynes: Index
Translation List off all the things in the book ,bar what you need to do.
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise
Translation :Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise
Haynes: This is a snug fit
Translation:Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer
Haynes: As described in chapter 7...
Translation:That'll teach you not to read through befor you start.Now
you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes:Undo
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size)
Haynes: Pry
Translation:Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG "where the fcuk did that go ?"
Haynes:Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK thats the glass bit off,now fetch some good pliers to dig out
the bayonet part(and maybe a plaster or two)
Haynes:Lightly...
Translation : Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are
throbbing then clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Weekly checks
Translation: If it isnt broken dont fix it
Haynes:Rountine maintenance
Translation:If it isnt broken,its about to be.We warned you...
Haynes: One spanner rating
Translation:An infant could do this...so so how did you manage to fcuk it up?
Haynes:Two spanner rating
Translation:Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low,teensy weensy number..but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground(in fact that would have been more use to you)
Haynes:Three spanner rating
Translation: Make sure you wont need your car for a couple of days.
Haynes:Four spanner rating
Translation:Your not seriously considering this are you ?
Haynes:Five spanner rating
Translation:OK but dont ever carry your loved ones in it again.
Haynes:If not you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation:Hahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahah
Haynes:Compress
Translation:Squeeze with all your might ,jump up and down on it,throw it at the garage wall,then find some molegrips with a hammer...
Haynes:Inspect
Translation:Squint at it really hard and pretend you know what your looking at,then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep ,as i thought.its going to need a new one".
Haynes:Carefully
Translation:You are about to suffer deep abrasions.
Haynes: Retaining nut
Translation:Yes thats it,that big blob of rust.
Haynes:Get an assistant
Translation:Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes:Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs remover.
Translation:However starting the engine afterwards will be much harder.once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided,you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence of removal.
Translation: Yeah ,right but you swear in different places
Haynes:Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes:Using a suitable drift...
Translation:Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
Haynes:Everyday tool kit
Translation:RAC card and Mobile phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation Unless you have a blast furnace ,dont bother.Alternatively clamp
with mole grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer...
Haynes: Index
Translation List off all the things in the book ,bar what you need to do.
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