Fancy Dress

[Philip]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg so he
writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald
head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man thinks this is terrible because they
emphasized his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he received another parcel.

Dear Sir,

Sorry about the previous parcel.
Please find a monk's habit.
The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will
really look the part.
The man is extremely furious now, because the
company has gone from
emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head.
So he writes a really rude letter of
complaint.
A few days later he gets a very small parcel
from the company with an
accompanying letter:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head,
stick your wooden leg up Your Arse and go as a
toffee apple