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What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
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What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
The McCartneys
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe?
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Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane......
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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
"Oi, what's your disability?"
I said "Tourettes! Now f#ck off you c#nt!"
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A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
"Excuse me do I know you?" he asks. "Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says "F#cking hell are you the bird I sh#gged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my ar#e?"
"No" she replies "I'm your son's English teacher!"
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I said to the wife, "I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' "
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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, I was a hooker!".
He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !".
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Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees sister rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's sh#gging her the Rev Mother comes in.
"SISTER ROSE!!!" she roars "Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!"
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A man says to his wife "tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time".
His wife replies "You've got a bigger dick than your brother"
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
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What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
The McCartneys
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane......
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
"Oi, what's your disability?"
I said "Tourettes! Now f#ck off you c#nt!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
"Excuse me do I know you?" he asks. "Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says "F#cking hell are you the bird I sh#gged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my ar#e?"
"No" she replies "I'm your son's English teacher!"
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I said to the wife, "I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' "
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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, I was a hooker!".
He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees sister rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's sh#gging her the Rev Mother comes in.
"SISTER ROSE!!!" she roars "Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man says to his wife "tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time".
His wife replies "You've got a bigger dick than your brother"
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