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ALFA: Aging Latin F***wit's Ambulance.
ASTON MARTIN: A Silly Toy Of Neurotic Middle Aged Rich Toffs Investing Needlessly
AUDI: Another Useless Deutsche Invention. Obviously written by someone with first hand experience - maybe someone who had one rust away into brown air in the 70's?
BMW: Bought My Wife; Brings Me Women; Big Money Waster; Broke My Wallet; Babe Magnet Wannabe, (and LOTS more)
CADILLAC: Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars.
CHEVROLET: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHRYSLER: Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement.
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair!
DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
Dad's Old Dead Garage Experiment.
Don't Over Drive Gutless Engines.
EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks.
FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology, Feeble Italian Attempt (at) Transportation; Fix It Again Tony!
FORD: Fix Or Repair Daily; Fast Only Rolling Downhill; First (or Fails) On Race Day; Found On Road Dead; Funding Our Retirement Daily (from a mechanic`s point of view); and perhaps best of all: Driver Returning On Foot (Ford spelled backwards!)
HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises; Heaps Of Loud Disgusting Engine Noises.
HONDA: Had One Never Did Again; Hold On, 'Nother Dickhead Arriving; Happy Owners Never Drive Anywhere
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive;
Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
ISUZU: It Sucks, Unless Zero Used
JAGUAR: Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop.
JEEP: Junk Engineering Executed Poorly; Just Enough Engine Power
KIA: Kick It Again; Keep It Away; Kill It Anyway; Kills Innocent Americans
LOTUS: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.
MAZDA: Mostly Always Zipping Dangerously Along; Made After Zero Design Analysis.
MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales
MG: Merciless Garbage; Money Guzzler; MG-B: Might Go Backwards; the new MG-F: Might Go Forwards
MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane
MINIVAN: Manhood Is Nonexistent, I'm Vasectomized And Neutered.
MITSUBISHI: Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete; Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly
MOPAR: Move Over, Professionals Are Racing; Mostly Old Parts And Rust
NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now.
OLDSMOBILE: Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday; Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Off Bridges Into Lake Erie!
PLYMOUTH: Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!
PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It's A Cadillac
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything.
SAAB: Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown; Start Adding Additional Brakefluid; Sad Attempt At Beauty. Still Ain't A Beamer; Slow As A Buick!
SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
SUZUKI: Space Usually Zero Unless Kids Inside
TORANA: Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration. And the SLR variant - Slightly Less Rust
TOYOTA: They Overcharge You On Their Accessories.
TRIUMPH: This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help; Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object; Very Old Lazy Vehicle Owner.
VW: Very Weird; Virtually Worthless.
Some literary giant has also rummaged through the Roget's Thesaurus and had a go at:
VOLKSWAGEN: Vehicle Owners - Losers Knowingly Suffering With All German Engineered Nonsense. Doesn't quite work, but a good effort!
ASTON MARTIN: A Silly Toy Of Neurotic Middle Aged Rich Toffs Investing Needlessly
AUDI: Another Useless Deutsche Invention. Obviously written by someone with first hand experience - maybe someone who had one rust away into brown air in the 70's?
BMW: Bought My Wife; Brings Me Women; Big Money Waster; Broke My Wallet; Babe Magnet Wannabe, (and LOTS more)
CADILLAC: Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars.
CHEVROLET: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHRYSLER: Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement.
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair!
DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere.
Dad's Old Dead Garage Experiment.
Don't Over Drive Gutless Engines.
EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks.
FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology, Feeble Italian Attempt (at) Transportation; Fix It Again Tony!
FORD: Fix Or Repair Daily; Fast Only Rolling Downhill; First (or Fails) On Race Day; Found On Road Dead; Funding Our Retirement Daily (from a mechanic`s point of view); and perhaps best of all: Driver Returning On Foot (Ford spelled backwards!)
HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises; Heaps Of Loud Disgusting Engine Noises.
HONDA: Had One Never Did Again; Hold On, 'Nother Dickhead Arriving; Happy Owners Never Drive Anywhere
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive;
Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
ISUZU: It Sucks, Unless Zero Used
JAGUAR: Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop.
JEEP: Junk Engineering Executed Poorly; Just Enough Engine Power
KIA: Kick It Again; Keep It Away; Kill It Anyway; Kills Innocent Americans
LOTUS: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.
MAZDA: Mostly Always Zipping Dangerously Along; Made After Zero Design Analysis.
MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales
MG: Merciless Garbage; Money Guzzler; MG-B: Might Go Backwards; the new MG-F: Might Go Forwards
MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane
MINIVAN: Manhood Is Nonexistent, I'm Vasectomized And Neutered.
MITSUBISHI: Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete; Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly
MOPAR: Move Over, Professionals Are Racing; Mostly Old Parts And Rust
NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now.
OLDSMOBILE: Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday; Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Off Bridges Into Lake Erie!
PLYMOUTH: Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!
PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It's A Cadillac
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything.
SAAB: Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown; Start Adding Additional Brakefluid; Sad Attempt At Beauty. Still Ain't A Beamer; Slow As A Buick!
SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
SUZUKI: Space Usually Zero Unless Kids Inside
TORANA: Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration. And the SLR variant - Slightly Less Rust
TOYOTA: They Overcharge You On Their Accessories.
TRIUMPH: This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help; Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object; Very Old Lazy Vehicle Owner.
VW: Very Weird; Virtually Worthless.
Some literary giant has also rummaged through the Roget's Thesaurus and had a go at:
VOLKSWAGEN: Vehicle Owners - Losers Knowingly Suffering With All German Engineered Nonsense. Doesn't quite work, but a good effort!
banghead: 
HELEN xx
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