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1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with' Guess' on it ... so I
said
"Thyroid problem?"
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike -
then I
realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole
one
and asked him to forgive me.
3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my
wife to
go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder - I
don't
get on with my real ladder.
5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' -
so I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston
Bypass -
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 6 hardened criminals.
7) Sex is like playing bridge - If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand.
8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law outside
our
house. My neighbour said 'Aren't you going to help?' - I said 'No, six
should be enough.'
9) I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all
nervous
and give the wrong answers.
10) You know that look that women get when they want sex? ... No, me
neither.
11) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from
things
they don't understand, such as working for a living.
12) Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time - I
think
I've forgotten this before?
said
"Thyroid problem?"
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike -
then I
realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole
one
and asked him to forgive me.
3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my
wife to
go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder - I
don't
get on with my real ladder.
5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' -
so I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston
Bypass -
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 6 hardened criminals.
7) Sex is like playing bridge - If you don't have a good partner,
you'd better have a good hand.
8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law outside
our
house. My neighbour said 'Aren't you going to help?' - I said 'No, six
should be enough.'
9) I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all
nervous
and give the wrong answers.
10) You know that look that women get when they want sex? ... No, me
neither.
11) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from
things
they don't understand, such as working for a living.
12) Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time - I
think
I've forgotten this before?