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ESSEX GIRLS
>
>An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
>
>"How many children?" asks the council worker.
>
>"10" replies the Essex girl
>
>"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
>
>"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne"
>
>"Doesn't that get confusing?"
>
>"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
playing in
>the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, Or WAAYNE
GO TO
>BED NOW and they all do it..."
>
>"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council
>worker.
>
>"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
on
>the
>counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress" she
says.
>
>Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
>
>"No" she replies.
>
>"This time it's mayonnaise."
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says
"Choose
>from our range on the wall."
>
>She says "I'll take the red one."
>
>The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.
>The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic
and I'm
>going to ask you some questions?"
>
>Girl: "OK"
>
>Medic: "What's your name?"
>
>Girl: "Sharon."
>
>Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
>
>Sharon: "Yes."
>
>Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
>
>Sharon: "Romford, mate."
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was
her
>boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news
that
>there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!"
>
>"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of
them!"
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood
>everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car,
she's
>lying flat out on the floor.
>
>Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
>
>Sharon: "Ok."
>
>Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
>
>Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl
notices
>something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She
says,
>"Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of
your
>wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?"
>
>So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
>"Well,oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for
me
>Roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot"
>
>"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave
got
>C&A
>on them ?
>
>An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
>
>"How many children?" asks the council worker.
>
>"10" replies the Essex girl
>
>"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
>
>"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne"
>
>"Doesn't that get confusing?"
>
>"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
playing in
>the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, Or WAAYNE
GO TO
>BED NOW and they all do it..."
>
>"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council
>worker.
>
>"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
on
>the
>counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress" she
says.
>
>Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
>
>"No" she replies.
>
>"This time it's mayonnaise."
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says
"Choose
>from our range on the wall."
>
>She says "I'll take the red one."
>
>The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.
>The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic
and I'm
>going to ask you some questions?"
>
>Girl: "OK"
>
>Medic: "What's your name?"
>
>Girl: "Sharon."
>
>Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
>
>Sharon: "Yes."
>
>Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
>
>Sharon: "Romford, mate."
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was
her
>boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news
that
>there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!"
>
>"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of
them!"
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood
>everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car,
she's
>lying flat out on the floor.
>
>Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
>
>Sharon: "Ok."
>
>Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
>
>Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
>
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
>An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl
notices
>something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She
says,
>"Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of
your
>wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?"
>
>So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
>"Well,oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for
me
>Roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot"
>
>"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave
got
>C&A
>on them ?
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