Tweet
(1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
> He thought he was God and I didn't!
>
> (2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>
> (3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>
> (4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>
> (5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>
> (6) Don't take life too seriously . . . no one gets out alive.
>
> (7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
>
> (8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>
> (9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
>
> (10) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
>
> (11) I'm not a complete idiot--some parts are missing.
>
> (12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>
> (13) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
> medicine.
>
> (14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and
> yelling like the passengers in his car.
>
> (15) God must love stupid people; he made so many.
>
> (16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>
> (17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
>
> (18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>
> (19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
>
> (20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>
> (21) MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
>
> (22) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
>
> (23) Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
>
> (24) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)
>
> (25) Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
>
> (26) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When
> I Grew up
>
> (27) Procrastinate Now
>
> (28) Rehab Is for Quitters
>
> (29) My Dog Can Lick Anyone
>
> (30) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts--Do You Want Fries With That?
>
> (31) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
>
> (32) Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've been doing
> since I
> was 15.
>
> (33) ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING
>
> (34) West Virginia: One Million People and 15 last names
>
> (35) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
>
> (36) MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT
>
> (37) A hangover is the wrath of grapes
>
> (38) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
>
> (39) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
>
> (40) DISCOURAGE INBREEDING -- Ban Country Music
>
> (41) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
>
> (42) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
>
> (43) Time's fun when you're having flies . . . Kermit the Frog
>
> (44) POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.
>
> (45) FOR SALE -- Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
>
> (46) HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH
>
> (47) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a
> thousand times the memory.
>
> (48) The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
>
> (49) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> (50) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
> for a
> pig.
>
> (51) WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.
>
> (52) The trouble with life is there's no background music.
>
> (53) IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?
>
> (54) The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
> He thought he was God and I didn't!
>
> (2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>
> (3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>
> (4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>
> (5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>
> (6) Don't take life too seriously . . . no one gets out alive.
>
> (7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
>
> (8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>
> (9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
>
> (10) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
>
> (11) I'm not a complete idiot--some parts are missing.
>
> (12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>
> (13) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
> medicine.
>
> (14) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and
> yelling like the passengers in his car.
>
> (15) God must love stupid people; he made so many.
>
> (16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>
> (17) It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
>
> (18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>
> (19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
>
> (20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>
> (21) MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
>
> (22) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
>
> (23) Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
>
> (24) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)
>
> (25) Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
>
> (26) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When
> I Grew up
>
> (27) Procrastinate Now
>
> (28) Rehab Is for Quitters
>
> (29) My Dog Can Lick Anyone
>
> (30) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts--Do You Want Fries With That?
>
> (31) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
>
> (32) Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've been doing
> since I
> was 15.
>
> (33) ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING
>
> (34) West Virginia: One Million People and 15 last names
>
> (35) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
>
> (36) MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT
>
> (37) A hangover is the wrath of grapes
>
> (38) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
>
> (39) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
>
> (40) DISCOURAGE INBREEDING -- Ban Country Music
>
> (41) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
>
> (42) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
>
> (43) Time's fun when you're having flies . . . Kermit the Frog
>
> (44) POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.
>
> (45) FOR SALE -- Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
>
> (46) HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH
>
> (47) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a
> thousand times the memory.
>
> (48) The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
>
> (49) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> (50) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
> for a
> pig.
>
> (51) WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.
>
> (52) The trouble with life is there's no background music.
>
> (53) IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?
>
> (54) The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.