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This letter was recently sent to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and us of the Tesco
Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all
verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her
in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... And watched what
happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing
department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if
she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people
just leave me alone?"
8. October 4: Looked right into the securitycamera; used it as
a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in
the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew
where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle,
practiced the "Madonnalook" using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed,yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. December 21: When an announcement came over
the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO!
It's those voices again."
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut
the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here."
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and us of the Tesco
Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all
verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her
in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... And watched what
happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing
department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if
she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people
just leave me alone?"
8. October 4: Looked right into the securitycamera; used it as
a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in
the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew
where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle,
practiced the "Madonnalook" using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed,yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. December 21: When an announcement came over
the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO!
It's those voices again."
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut
the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no
toilet paper in here."
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
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