Toffee Apples

[Gizmo]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg so he
writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasized his disability, so
he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received another
parcel.
Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit. The
long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really
look the part.
The man is extremely furious now, because the company has
gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to
his bald head.
So he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later
he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up
your backside and go as a f***ing toffee apple !!!!!