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Snappy replies
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, she asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the
cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but
that's it,
no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to
stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the
teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and
sweetly
says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."
BONUS Snappy Answer
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their! names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one
was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like
that?"
"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo" answered the blond."They're
watch dogs!"
Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to
Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN
asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen
whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to
the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, she asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the
cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right
ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but
that's it,
no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to
stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the
teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and
sweetly
says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."
BONUS Snappy Answer
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their! names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one
was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like
that?"
"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo" answered the blond."They're
watch dogs!"
Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to
Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN
asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen
whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to
the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."