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The new priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Beforer his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "next Sunday it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everthing should go smoothly." The next Sunday the priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon returning to the rectory he found a note from the Monsignor:
1. Next time, sip rather than gulp!
2. There are ten commandments, not twelve.
3. there are twelve disciples, not ten.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the Big Y.
5. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, Thanks for the grub!"
6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $hit out of him.
7. Do not refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
8. The father, son and holy ghost are not referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
9. It is always the "Virgin Mary", never "Mary with the cherry."
10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's."
1. Next time, sip rather than gulp!
2. There are ten commandments, not twelve.
3. there are twelve disciples, not ten.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the Big Y.
5. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, Thanks for the grub!"
6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $hit out of him.
7. Do not refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
8. The father, son and holy ghost are not referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
9. It is always the "Virgin Mary", never "Mary with the cherry."
10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's."
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