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A bit near the mark
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence." says the man.
They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks." he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.
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This old man in his eighties gets up and puts on his coat.
His wife says,"Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?"
"No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said," Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm going to get me a tetanus shot."
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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. So she decided to put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70'S),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day after her add ran in the paper, she heard the doorbell. She opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. Much to her dismay, he had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you........you have no legs!
The old man smiled. "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any arms either!"
Again the old man smiled, "I will never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed???"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said..."I rang the doorbell, didn't I ????"
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THREE OLD LADIES NAMED GERTRUDE, MAUDE, AND BETTY WERE SITTING ON A PARK BENCH HAVING A CONVERSATION, WHEN A
FLASHER APPROACHED FROM ACROSS THE PARK.
THE FLASHER CAME UP TO THE LADIES, STOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM AND TO THEIR SHOCK AND DISMAY, OPENED HIS TRENCH COAT.
GERTRUDE IMMEDIATELY HAD A STROKE.
THEN MAUDE ALSO HAD A STROKE.
BUT BETTY, BEING OLDER AND MORE FEEBLE, COULDN'T REACH THAT FAR.
The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence." says the man.
They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks." he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.
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This old man in his eighties gets up and puts on his coat.
His wife says,"Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?"
"No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said," Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm going to get me a tetanus shot."
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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. So she decided to put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70'S),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day after her add ran in the paper, she heard the doorbell. She opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. Much to her dismay, he had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you........you have no legs!
The old man smiled. "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any arms either!"
Again the old man smiled, "I will never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed???"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said..."I rang the doorbell, didn't I ????"
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THREE OLD LADIES NAMED GERTRUDE, MAUDE, AND BETTY WERE SITTING ON A PARK BENCH HAVING A CONVERSATION, WHEN A
FLASHER APPROACHED FROM ACROSS THE PARK.
THE FLASHER CAME UP TO THE LADIES, STOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM AND TO THEIR SHOCK AND DISMAY, OPENED HIS TRENCH COAT.
GERTRUDE IMMEDIATELY HAD A STROKE.
THEN MAUDE ALSO HAD A STROKE.
BUT BETTY, BEING OLDER AND MORE FEEBLE, COULDN'T REACH THAT FAR.