10 Signs You Have a Hangover

[Healewis]

1. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as realising what you've just slept with. (applies to single people only )
4. You'd rather have a pencil rammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival gypsy shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"

[Woodie]

5 Stages of drunkeness.

The 5 Stages of Drunkenness -

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe.
You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone
who will listen.
At this stage you are always RIGHT.
And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG.
This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar
and that people fancy you.
You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still SMART,
so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.
You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money
parked behind the bar.
You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you're still SMART, so naturally,
you will win all your bets.
It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks
for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those
with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you.
At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and
challenge them to a battle of the wits or money.
You have no fear of losing this battle, because you are smart, you're RICH and Hell,
you're better looking than them anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of Drunkenness. at this point you can do anything,
because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU, You dance on a table to impress the people who
you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You
are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk
through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see
or hear you and because you're still SMART you know ALL the words.

[Healewis]

The 5 Stages of Drunkenness -

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe.
You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone
who will listen.
At this stage you are always RIGHT.
And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG.
This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar
and that people fancy you.
You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still SMART,
so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.
You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money
parked behind the bar.
You can also make bets at this stage, because of course you're still SMART, so naturally,
you will win all your bets.
It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks
for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those
with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you.
At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and
challenge them to a battle of the wits or money.
You have no fear of losing this battle, because you are smart, you're RICH and Hell,
you're better looking than them anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of Drunkenness. at this point you can do anything,
because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU, You dance on a table to impress the people who
you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You
are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk
through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see
or hear you and because you're still SMART you know ALL the words.

I must be perminantly p!$$£d