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Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a
coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AA is not an
option.
I will win.
______________________________ ___________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind,
as a form of holy communion.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
______________________________ _____________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).
______________________________ _________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling
amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and
recommend it to others.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest..............
like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AA is not an
option.
I will win.
______________________________ ___________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind,
as a form of holy communion.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
______________________________ _____________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).
______________________________ _________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling
amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and
recommend it to others.
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
______________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest..............
like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
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