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Diary of a Brisbane Summer (by a Pom)
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane,
Queensland!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the
verandah. It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today.
Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool.
Got 3rd degree burns over 60% my body.
Missed 3 days off work.
What a dumb thing to do, learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen
up
to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather
upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat s**t.
I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s*cks. It feels like a giant f**kin blow dryer!! And it's hot
as h*ll.
The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
****** $300,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the ******
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30.
St*pid repairman. I hate this st*pid f**kin place.
November 8th:
If another wise a**e cracks, "Hot enough for you today?"
I'm going to f**kin throttle him.
F**kin heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling
over, my clothes are soakin
F**kin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work.
Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my f**kin arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my
f**kin arse.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried a**e, and baked cat
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a f**kin recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and f**kin sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman
says
it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f**kin place?
Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might
dry up and blow into
the f**kin pool. Even the palms can't live in this f**kin heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to H*LL!!!
Temperature got to 41 today.
Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car.
The repairman came to fix it and said,
"Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my ar*e out
of jail
for assulting the st*pid f**ker.
F**k Brisbane! What kind of a sick demented f**kin idiot would want
to
live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are
F**kin kiddin
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane,
Queensland!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the
verandah. It was beautiful.
I've finally found my home.
I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today.
Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool.
Got 3rd degree burns over 60% my body.
Missed 3 days off work.
What a dumb thing to do, learned my lesson though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen
up
to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather
upholstery.
I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat s**t.
I learned my lesson though.
No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind s*cks. It feels like a giant f**kin blow dryer!! And it's hot
as h*ll.
The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
****** $300,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the ******
humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30.
St*pid repairman. I hate this st*pid f**kin place.
November 8th:
If another wise a**e cracks, "Hot enough for you today?"
I'm going to f**kin throttle him.
F**kin heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling
over, my clothes are soakin
F**kin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work.
Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
I thought my f**kin arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my
f**kin arse.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried a**e, and baked cat
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a f**kin recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and f**kin sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman
says
it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f**kin place?
Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might
dry up and blow into
the f**kin pool. Even the palms can't live in this f**kin heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to H*LL!!!
Temperature got to 41 today.
Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car.
The repairman came to fix it and said,
"Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my ar*e out
of jail
for assulting the st*pid f**ker.
F**k Brisbane! What kind of a sick demented f**kin idiot would want
to
live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are
F**kin kiddin
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