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3 woman were talking about there sex lives.
The 1st says mines like a Ferrari you know, fast and furious!
The 2nd woman says mines like a porshe - slow and seductive.
The 3rd woman sighed and said mines like a f**cking old austin metro - you give it a hand start and jump on it while its going!
What do you call a Policewoman who shaves her pubes?
Constable
A young man goes to his mother the day before his wedding and says "Mum why do women get married in white?"
His mother explains all about the bride coming to the wedding and her husband in a pure state.
Not buying the explanation he goes to his father.
"Well it's like this son, it's tradition, all kitchen appliances come in white"
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins
to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure ... go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£260,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking £950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer £900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
A chicken farmer went into a local public house, took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks." he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said ....
The 1st says mines like a Ferrari you know, fast and furious!
The 2nd woman says mines like a porshe - slow and seductive.
The 3rd woman sighed and said mines like a f**cking old austin metro - you give it a hand start and jump on it while its going!
What do you call a Policewoman who shaves her pubes?
Constable
A young man goes to his mother the day before his wedding and says "Mum why do women get married in white?"
His mother explains all about the bride coming to the wedding and her husband in a pure state.
Not buying the explanation he goes to his father.
"Well it's like this son, it's tradition, all kitchen appliances come in white"
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins
to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure ... go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£260,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking £950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer £900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him
in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
A chicken farmer went into a local public house, took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks." he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said ....