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You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's butt if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another filling station cos’ this one's just too difficult.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "Stuff it!"
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person does not eliminate having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's butt if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another filling station cos’ this one's just too difficult.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Grey hair and wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "Stuff it!"
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person does not eliminate having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"