A quick one

[marky]

A sandwich goes into a bar and orders a pint of lager. "Sorry" says the barman, "we dont serve food in here"....

[Chillitt]

set of jump leads goes into a club, the bouncer says you can come in but dont start anything

[dirtydog]

a horse walks into a bar and orders a drink... the barman says "why the long face?"

[bobafatass]

A brain and a poo walk into a pub, the barman says.... I aint serving you two, your out of your head and you are steaming !

[Robb.]

A blonde decided to earn some extra money by a little house painting and general maintenance. She slowly made her way along the houses in the road asking if anyone had any odd jobs they required doing.

"Well," said one of the houseowners, "I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch. How much would you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Do you think she realises that our porch goes all the way around the house?" "Maybe I'll give her a little more more then," suggested her husband.

However, a short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" the husband asked, somewhat surprised. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for $50 to give to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

[scouzzer1964]

a bloke walks into a bar with tar on his shoulder, mines a pint and one for the road.................lol

[Robb.]

a bloke walks into a bar... but luckily it didn't hurt

[Chillitt]

2 parrots on a perch. one says 'ere, can you smell fish?'

[dirtydog]

2 parrots on a perch. one says 'ere, can you smell fish?'

a man was at his mother in laws for lunch, she says "how many potatoes would you like?".... he says "oh just one please". She says "listen, theres no need to be polite" so he says "ok just one potato you stupid cow!"

[bobafatass]

2 goldfish in a tank, one turns and says to the other one........Do you know how to drive this thing ?

[Gizmo]

Q. Whats the fastest food you can have?
A. A train drivers Egg Sandwich


Q. Man asks the blonde are my indicator lights working
A. Yes..No..Yes..No

[Chillitt]

two men were arrested last night, one for drinking battery acid, one for sticking fireworks up his ####. police charged one and let the other off.

[marky]

What goes around your waist at 100mph ??
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HONDAPANTS