Liked this one :-)

[colincd]

During a recent publicity outing, Simon sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widower. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Simon stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at his hands. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself.
He simply had to know.
He met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked his question.

"Will I be acquitted?"

[Draig]

WHY MEN DIE FIRST

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries...... but, now we
know.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat
race...you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework...you're a pansy.

If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay..... you should get off
your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her.....that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference.

If you cry............you're a wimp.

If you don't........you're an insensitive *******.

If you make a decision without consulting her......... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you...... she's a liberated
woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.

If SHE asks you.........it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...... you're a
pervert.

If you don't..............you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape..............you're
sexist.

If you don't.................you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape................you're vain.

If you don't................you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers.............you're after something.

If you don't....................you'r e not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements........ you're full of yourself.

If you don't....................you'r e not ambitious.

If she has a headache............she's tired.

If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.

If you don't..........there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.