Tweet
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back
Half the people you know are below average
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory
If you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder"
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back
Half the people you know are below average
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory
If you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder"
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film
