start the Friday fun here...

[Draig]

Jack & Elsie were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jack suddenly jumped into the
deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Elsie promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
Jack out. When the medical director became aware of Elsie's heroic act, he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now
considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Elsie the news, he said "Elsie I have good news and
bad news. The good news is you are being discharged; since you were able to
rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of
another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Jack, the patient you saved, hung himself with his
bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but he's dead."

Elsie replied, "He didn't hang himself...I put him up there to dry. How
soon did you say I can go home?"

[Draig]

An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands.

Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit.
At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to sleep with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no.


He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.


The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.


She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights.


On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne.
So am I" she says. "What suburb in Melbourne?"
Glen Iris" he says. That's amazing" she says, "So am I - what street?"
Cameo Street" he says.
This is unbelievable" she says, "What number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.
" You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"


"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give to you!"

He who drinks Australian - thinks Australian.

[colincd]

My Offering...........

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that
you just served?"

The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the
bull wins."