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& One for the Boys :-)
Linda has had her go (& very good it was to 
) I have been away, Now I am back and away we go 
Jokes For Men
How many men does it take to open a beer!
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...”
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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A couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn’tfind her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and
in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .please advise" The old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
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After searching for new recruits, the Man from Uncle was holding selection interviews. At the end of the day they were left with three possibles, two of which were women, one was a man.
It was explained that there was one final test they had to pass, and were taken one at a time to a basement room. The first woman was told that her husband was inside the room, blindfold, gagged and tied to a chair. She was handed a gun and ordered to enter the room and shoot her husband.
She refused, saying that she did not want the job so bad that she could kill her husband. The interviewer said he understood very well, was sorry to see the woman go, but obviously she was not suited to this kind of work.
The second woman took the gun and entered the room. After a couple of minutes, she came out in tears and explained that she just couldn't shoot her husband. She was also told she was clearly unsuited to the job.
The man was given the same order, only this time it was his wife in the room. He also took the gun and entered the room. There came the sound of the gun being fired a number of times, followed by a short silence. There then came the noise of a scuffle and a lot of shouting and screaming. All fell silent again and the man came out of the room.
'Flipin gun was loaded with blanks' he exclaimed. ' I had to beat her to death with a chair leg!'
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That should set keyboards a tappin
Colin
) I have been away, Now I am back and away we go Jokes For Men
How many men does it take to open a beer!
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...”
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn’tfind her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and
in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .please advise" The old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After searching for new recruits, the Man from Uncle was holding selection interviews. At the end of the day they were left with three possibles, two of which were women, one was a man.
It was explained that there was one final test they had to pass, and were taken one at a time to a basement room. The first woman was told that her husband was inside the room, blindfold, gagged and tied to a chair. She was handed a gun and ordered to enter the room and shoot her husband.
She refused, saying that she did not want the job so bad that she could kill her husband. The interviewer said he understood very well, was sorry to see the woman go, but obviously she was not suited to this kind of work.
The second woman took the gun and entered the room. After a couple of minutes, she came out in tears and explained that she just couldn't shoot her husband. She was also told she was clearly unsuited to the job.
The man was given the same order, only this time it was his wife in the room. He also took the gun and entered the room. There came the sound of the gun being fired a number of times, followed by a short silence. There then came the noise of a scuffle and a lot of shouting and screaming. All fell silent again and the man came out of the room.
'Flipin gun was loaded with blanks' he exclaimed. ' I had to beat her to death with a chair leg!'
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That should set keyboards a tappin
Colin
in our lovely Linda 
and its now showing itself.............
)
I'll be back to my quiet, timid, demure self tomorrow..... 
)
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