One for the girls!!!

[Linda]

Why are all Blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them!

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

Why was Moses wandering through the desert for 40 years?
Because men refuse to ask for directions!

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

There was a man who woke up one morning with a red ring around his member. Astonished he panicked and hurried to the emergency room. The Doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a day, if no results come back tomorrow. This went on for three days when a new nurse happened to be in the same ER. She asked if she could suggest something. The Dr. at his wit's end because he wasn't able to cure the problem, agreed to let the nurse try her hand.
The nurse gave the man a smelly lotion and said rub it very gently on his member before he when to bed. The man went home and followed her instructions.
The very next day came back happy as a lark! He found the nurse and Doctor and thanked them for all they're help. As the man left, the Dr. turned to the nurse and asked what was the miracle lotion?
The nurse smiled and replied, "Lip stick remover."

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked.
.... with Beer

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

What is the worst part of a man's body?
His penis because it has a head with no brains, hangs out with two nuts and lives around the corner from an asshole.

Why is food better than men?
You don't have to wait an hour for seconds!

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his feet.

[Dunno]

Ohh YES Linda,

And now you will also be for the HIGH JUMP at the PIT after that little lot!



Take care

Paul

[hormygollop]

Take That


Keith

[ssrx]

10 mtrs

Come on Keith give the poor bloke a chance, got to be at least 500 mtrs for the guy to stand a chance!!!!




steve

[Draig]

took the girlies long enough to think them up ay? if it takes them that long - can I just wish all the ladies - Happy Halloween

[hormygollop]

took the girlies long enough to think them up ay? if it takes them that long - can I just wish all the ladies - Happy Halloween

Yep
C,mon girls its your night..
Broomsticks at the ready and off you go

Keith

[Ems and Jim]

the claws our out tonight aren't they boy's, i'll tell you what, we'll let you be the cat on the broom sticks with claws like yours you should be able to hang on !!




Ems

[RobD]

Yes,very funny Linda,a bit sexist for my taste though,now off you go and do some house work(he he).

[hormygollop]

Yes,very funny Linda,a bit sexist for my taste though,now off you go and do some house work(he he).

Aww back off, at least she is bright enough to have a computer in the kitchen,

Keith


Oh BTW why do girls get married in white ?


Because that is the standard colour of domestic appliances



so I was told


Keith

[Linda]

Aww back off, at least she is bright enough to have a computer in the kitchen, Keith

Kitchens - oh yes. Have you ever noticed how men suddenly lose all logic and common sense when they enter a kitchen? To listen to you lot, you would think it's hard to open a can, put the contents in a bowl, pop it in a microwave, switch it on, take it out and eat it. Not to mention wash up the bowl afterwards!! Yet you can manage to take an engine apart and put it back together?? Are we being conned???

[TonyN]

Kitchens - oh yes. Have you ever noticed how men suddenly lose all logic and common sense when they enter a kitchen? To listen to you lot, you would think it's hard to open a can, put the contents in a bowl, pop it in a microwave, switch it on, take it out and eat it. Not to mention wash up the bowl afterwards!! Yet you can manage to take an engine apart and put it back together?? Are we being conned???

Blimey, never thought of that!

I'm banned from the kitchen, finger prints over the cupboards and fridge door get me in trouble.

[Linda]

Blimey, never thought of that!

I'm banned from the kitchen, finger prints over the cupboards and fridge door get me in trouble.

But doesn't that mean Shelley has to do all the cooking??

You'll be telling us next that she has to clean the house, do the washing and ironing, go shopping, make the beds, and hold down a full time job too!

[Draig]

I see nothing wrong with that!!

[TonyN]

But doesn't that mean Shelley has to do all the cooking??

You'll be telling us next that she has to clean the house, do the washing and ironing, go shopping, make the beds, and hold down a full time job too!

errrrrrrrr.........

[Linda]

errrrrrrrr.........

Jeeez, you'll be getting her to buy you new tyres next....