Request for thoughts

[John h]

Yes i know i haven't been around much lately, but i do value the thoughts guidance and general feedback i get from a chosen few.
Some of you will remember my emotive post where my Father on friday the 13th of may had a severe nose dive in health, so bad he was given the last rites, he has hung on to life, however he has alzheimers and we all know the end game on this disease. He has had yet another re-lapse and had to be admitted to Hospital,he is stable and eating etc, they keep putting him back on IV to keep him hydrated, My sister and I agreed many years ago that we would not let Dad go down the same route as his own father wherein he suffered for three weeks in the same hospital and finally gave up on life.in those three weeks he went through agony with a lot of 'invasive' procedures. Could anyone guide me as to how we can insist/action that Dad is returned to his care home to die in dignity ? We have already signed the Do Not Resusc statement, the care home are in total agreement and support us, but no one seems to want to listen at the hospital,
sorry to burden you people with this, but you guys have come through on many occasions and helped me immensely
Thanks
John

[Voodoo-Child]

Hi.....I'm sorry to hear about your Dad....It cant be easy having to make these kinds of decisions, never mind finding someone who can help you to implement them. The ward will have an allocated Social Worker who you need to consult. You need to ask about best interest for your father, the Social Worker will then discuss the case with the medics involved and they will try to get him back to the nursing home.

The Social Worker will look at capacity and whether he is refusing teatment etc, but ultimately, it's up to how hard the Social Worker is willing to fight to get him back into the nursing care. Medical stability can be a major contributing factor as to whether he's allowed out of hospital too though...It's a toughy but thats the way to go about it. Best of luck and regards to your Dad.

[biosurf]

Hi John
Sorry to hear your news. Main but of advice would be to call the relevant charity advice lines. Alzheimers Society could be a good place to start. If not then Marie Curie or Macmillan will probably be able to point you in the right direction

Also speak to your local hospices as they probably have experience of similar situations. They could also be as appropriate a place for your dad to move to if they would take him and one that the hospital may be more used to transferring people to. I was blown away by how nice a place my local hospice was when my dad spent his last days there a couple of months ago. So maybe with just explaining your whole situation and seeing what they say

You're probably caught in the situation where the hospital don't want to risk anything happening to your dad in transit and their worry is that they could be held responsible if anything happens. Marie Curie mentioned this possibility to us when my dad was dying.


Hope I'm not too off the mark but as I say I don't know too much about your individual situation but the charity helplines are always amazing in their breadth of knowledge. Some are better than others so don't give up if the first one you call isn't too helpful.

Also don't be afraid to be very firm in your wishes when you need to be and keep pushing. I hate to say it but this really does seem to be necessary in these sorts of situations. Always polite obviously but do keep pushing.

Good luck

[Voodoo-Child]

Sorry....I must stress that the information I offered was directly from a member of the Occupational Therapy team In North Tyneside.....(My Fiance), these are the kinds of situations that she is in contact with on a day to day basis.


Get the Social Worker onside....they are your main allie in your needs.

[gwh200]

Hi John.

My advice, would be to ask about palliative care. This would involve stopping invasive procedures, and drugs used to prolong life, and procedures and drugs being used instead, to make the last weeks of life as comfortable as possible. There is an NHS hos[pital, that specialises in palliative care, and i think its a london based one...google may help here. They helped people to die with dignity, and tailored their drug/procedural care, to not prolong the inevitable, but help with dying with dignity.

John, my thoughts are with you at this time.

[biosurf]

All the above is great.

Just in terms of priority the way I have always found to work is to go to the charities first as they are independent and know exactly what tricks and back doors exist and what order to approach the official channels (Social workers, Pal Care team etc) in.

Best of luck and don't give up.

Along side all of this, just remember that no matter where your dad is that he has the most effective and important thing in making his living as good as it possibly can be which is you and whoever else who are around him and loving him enough to want to look after him. Everything else is secondary to that.

[Sancho]

John,

Not a subject I know anything about, I'm afraid.

Just a note to offer my best wishes to you and your father.

[si tate]

Hi john, I'm the same as sancho mate & can't offer advice but you have my number so if you need anything just give me a bell mate.

Our thoughts are with you, your dad & family.

[JUDWAK]

sorry john i realy feel for ya mate
i wish i could help mate

[John h]

Very many thanks for your generous help everyone,thankyou for your thoughts and best wishes it is so much appreciated, unfortunately the downward spiral in health has reached the point where no further procedures will now take place other than 5% glucose hydration on IV, Dad will now be kept 'comfortable' it could be days or just hours, Once again many thanks, as soon as it is over I am sure I will be back so you can rip the pee out of me for over indulging in Surf Valeting. Good to see things don't change here and the banter is flowing, helped keep me with a smile

[Voodoo-Child]

I hope his final time is spent comfortably with his family John.

My family and I offer our condolences.

[yoshie]

Could a mod remove the second line in the above post please.

John if you see it please put it down to him being daft and don't let it upset you.

[John h]

How remiss of me, Thank you once again for your kind thoughts and personal messages. Sadly Father passed away quietly back at the nursing home.We had been to see him on the sunday and expected him to hang around for some while longer however, 02.30hrs Monday morning we got the 'call', no matter how much you prepare and feign bravery with stoic head-up, stiff upper lip, it finally hits you, it has been a traumatic and somewhat frustrating time. Please brief your next of kin to expire between the hours of 09.00 and 16.30 hrs monday to friday I never thought I would have to fight through so much red tape just to let my Father make his final passage !

sorry to go on , guess I've bottled it up over the last days etc trying to maintain a level of normal life.

Oh and wear your poppy with pride !

[Chillitt]

The old boy put up a good fight, and so did you. Hate to say it , but you still have a few horrible days to get through. Sorry for your loss.

[MWS]

So sorry to hear your sad news, John. Please accept my condolences. Mick.