Question for ex (or current) forces peeps

[Sancho]

Just a quick query, and not meant to start any kind of bunfight.

I was recently at a wedding of about 200 people where the groom was an RAF officer and the toastmaster was a sergeant major. After the meal, someone was walking around the tables with a bottle of something in his hand.

Following all the toasts, the toastmaster said "if you have a glass of port, remain standing" followed by "that means the rest of you sit down". They then had a toast to absent friends.

I thought it was a bit odd, and a lot of people there were upset and felt that it belittled the deaths of any of their friends.

I was just wondering if this was the 'done thing' at military weddings.

Ta

[BUSHWHACKER]

Sounds like a knob to me, just 'bigging' himself up.

[Chillitt]

I would imagine the upset people sitting weren't as upset as the people standing at that point.

[Bogus]

Odd maybe, but a reason to get "upset". I often think that people are far too ready to be " upset" these days. When did we all become so sensitive, that we get "upset" over slights, real or imagined.
Still whats a wedding without someone getting upset, or even better a punch up.

[Predictable Bob]

Never seen it happen like that before BUT I've never been to a function where somebody didn't have a drink for a toast - my guess is that it's etiquette but it sounds like it could have been delivered more tactfully given that there were damned civvies present !

[gwh200]

Do you know what I think?

Unless your telepathic, I doubt it.

[Apache]

Different regiments have different traditions. That may have been his. Can't say it would upset me to be honest. I can see how it could upset the more 'princessy' type though

[John h]

The 'Toast for absent friends' was usually saved for the mess ? Funny that a RAF officer would have a RSM for toast master ? usually a friendly co does the honours at weddings but plenty of pongo's selling their services in full regimental regalia these days,

[MWS]

Just sounds to me, like one of those stereotypical w4nkers who get off on ordering people around.....Alienating a large majority of the wedding guests is a bit tactless and insensitive........But hey ho, there are worse things hapening in this world, right now...........

[Sancho]

The 'Toast for absent friends' was usually saved for the mess ? Funny that a RAF officer would have a RSM for toast master ? usually a friendly co does the honours at weddings but plenty of pongo's selling their services in full regimental regalia these days,

Yeah, I thought the bar afterwards would have been a better place. He worked in counter-terrorism (after flying for a few years) so there were various forces and police there.

[Predictable Bob]

At the end of a mess dinner there are always toasts - the exact number indicates how good an evening it is !

If there's more than one or two toasts then 'Absent Friends' is always there, probably far more so now than when I was serving ... Personally I think that the departed are far more likely to get the respect they deserve in the formal atmosphere of the dining room than in the bar

[Sancho]

At the end of a mess dinner there are always toasts - the exact number indicates how good an evening it is !

If there's more than one or two toasts then 'Absent Friends' is always there, probably far more so now than when I was serving ... Personally I think that the departed are far more likely to get the respect they deserve in the formal atmosphere of the dining room than in the bar

The thing that upset people, which is the bit that I struggled with (and may have struggled to explain), is that only the forces people at the wedding got given the port and, more importantly, only they were invited to make the toast.

[BUSHWHACKER]

The thing that upset people, which is the bit that I struggled with (and may have struggled to explain), is that only the forces people at the wedding got given the port and, more importantly, only they were invited to make the toast.

Are you sure it was port?
It could have been blood and they were all vampires acting out a coded ritual under the smokescreen of a toast.

[flounderbout]

The thing that upset people, which is the bit that I struggled with (and may have struggled to explain), is that only the forces people at the wedding got given the port and, more importantly, only they were invited to make the toast.

Since when did forces' traditions (even in the RAF) transcend good manners? Sounds like ######y of the highest water to me.

[Predictable Bob]

Ah, now I understand - sounds like a typical RAF stunt to me ...

I'm with Henry !