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  • News Flash

    Subject: NEWS FLASH




    A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Monday 13th September 2004. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell".



    The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.





    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said: "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."





    Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.





    HOW CAN YOU HELP?





    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport boots Any other items usually sold in Primark





    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Stella or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.





    **Breaking news**





    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in blood -'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do with it?"

  • #2
    In the importal words of TonyN....

    Bwahahahahahahah.

    Sorry to any of you from Essex. Most of my family comes from Romford / Hornchurch area anyway.

    Cheers

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by lucky
      In the importal words of TonyN....

      Bwahahahahahahah.

      Sorry to any of you from Essex. Most of my family comes from Romford / Hornchurch area anyway.

      Cheers

      good one pmsl
      Say not always what you know, but always know what you say.

      My 4x4
      My choice
      Back off

      Comment


      • #4
        During the quake the driver of an XR2i 'Kevin' swerved and ran over a local girl 'Sharon'.
        She was lying on her back crying that she couldnt see anything and she hurt all over.
        Kevin tried to tend to her, 'ere darlin, how many finger have I got up?'
        'Oh my gawd no, she said, now i'm paralysed from the waist down'.
        ...Woodie http://woodie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/D...%20Surfsml.JPG

        Comment


        • #5
          From an Essex Boy

          As I live just up the road in Shoeburyness and work out of Basildon I must say I was amused by the story. Well done.
          Last edited by BLUE; 19 September 2004, 00:38.

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