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  • Terrorist Alert.....

    Interpreting a Terrorist Alert.....


    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
    threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
    Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
    even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
    blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
    re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "###### Nuisance." The last time the
    British issued a "###### Nuisance" warning level was during the great
    fire of 1666.

    The Scots raised their threat level from "####ed Off" to "Let's get the
    #######s" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
    been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
    alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
    are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
    fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
    the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a
    heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from
    "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more
    levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
    to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
    levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
    threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
    These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
    navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes,
    on all of their allies, just in case.

    And in the southern hemisphere... New Zealand has also raised its
    security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense
    cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper
    aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath),
    New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I
    hope Australia will come and rescue us".

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate".
    Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to
    cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no
    situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    john
    i bust things ,, it a skill i have ,,( need help?)

  • #2
    Brilliant had me in stitches.
    Neal

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    • #3
      very funny!!!!

      especially "The rise was precipitated by a recent
      fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
      the country's military capability"
      Everyone thinks I'm paranoid!!

      Comment


      • #4
        So good.
        NAS Spec: 95 Defender SW gone but missed

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by jaky cakes View Post
          very funny!!!!

          especially "The rise was precipitated by a recent
          fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
          the country's military capability"
          Thats the bit that creased me too. cant remember when I last laughed so hard. Briliant stuff
          Last edited by Nostromo; 24 January 2010, 14:09.
          In space no one can hear you scream

          Comment


          • #6
            the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper
            aeroplanes
            Lol I used to one of the spotty teenagers responsible for fixing them. They are upgrading to new plastic ones now

            Ollie
            If in doubt, get a bigger hammer.

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