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My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
****************************** ************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied,
"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
****************************** ************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to
my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said,
“Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
****************************** ***********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her some place expensive.... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I
had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand
she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could
go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
****************************** ************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied,
"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
****************************** ************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to
my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said,
“Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
****************************** ***********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her some place expensive.... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I
had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand
she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could
go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
****************************** ************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....