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The following are ACTUAL answers given by contestants on "Family Fortunes" in the UK. If you've ever doubted that the families who appear on this show are of sub-human intelligence, doubt no longer - Les Dennis is their King...
Q. Name something you take to the beach A. Turkey sandwiches
Q. Name something a blind person might use A. A sword
Q. Name a song with moon in the title A. Blue Suede Moon
Q. Name a bird with a long neck A. Naomi Campbell
Q. Name an occupation where you need a torch A. A burglar
Q. Name a famous brother and sister A. Bonnie & Clyde
Q. Name a dangerous race A. The Arabs
Q. Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers A. A horse
Q. Name something that floats in the bath A. Water
Q. Name something you wear on the beach A. A deckchair
Q. Name a famous royal A. Mail
Q. Name a number you have to memorise A. 7
Q. Name something in the garden that's green A. Shed
Q. Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine A. A bicycle with wings
Q. Name something you might be allergic to A. Skiing
Q. Name a famous bridge A. The bridge over troubled waters
Q. Name something a cat does A. Goes to the toilet
Q. Name something you do in the bathroom A. Decorate
Q. Name an animal you might see at the zoo A. A dog
Q. Name something associated with the police A. Pigs
Q. Name a sign of the zodiac A. April
Q. Name something slippery A. A conman
Q. Name a way of cooking fish A. Cod
Q. Name a food that can be brown or white A. Potato
Q. Name a jacket potato topping A. Jam
Q. Name a famous Scotsman A. Jock
Q. Name something with a hole in it A. Window
Q. Name a non-living object with legs A. Plant
Q. Name a domestic animal A. Leopard
Q. Name a part of the body beginning with 'N' A. Knee
Q. Name a kind of ache A. Fillet 'O' Fish
Q. Name something you open other than a door A. Your bowels
Q. Name an instrument you can play while walking in the street
A. A cello..
Q. Name a type of oil
A. Sewing-machine oil..
Q. A word beginning with Z
A. Xylophone
Q. Name an animal with horn
A. A bee
Q. Name a medieval weapon
A. Hand-grenade
Q. Name something made of wool:
A. A sheep
Q. Name something a bridegroom might wear
A. A dress
Q. Name an animal with a long tail
A A rabbit
Q. Name something a train-spotter would have in his pocket
A. A magnifying glass
Q. Something you put out for the birds
A. Worms
Q. Name a way to prevent snoring
A. Put a pillow over his face
Q. Name a song from 'The Sound Of Music'
A. Dancing Queen
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")
.
Q. Name a reason for kneeling A. To be beheaded
Q. Name a measurement of liquidA. Paint
Q. Name a wild animal that's native to BritainA. A bear
Q. Name something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your houseA. Feeds your pets
Q. Name something that comes in 7'sA. Fingers
Q. Name a vocalist known by only one nameA. Michael Jackson
Q. Name a yellow fruitA. Orange
Q. Name something associated with LiverpoolA. The Yellow Brick Road
Q. Name a boy mentioned in a nursery rhymeA. Little Red Riding Hood
Q. Name something associated with Queen VictoriaA. Her husbands
Q. Name something you hide in your socks when you go swimmingA. Your legs
Q. Name a place you would keep a penA. A zoo
Q. Name something associated with rainA. Water
Q. Name an animal that lives in the English countrysideA. A lion
Q. Name a game that uses a black ballA. Darts
Q. Name a popular TV soapA. Dove
Q. Name a type of bag other than a “carrier”A. Horse.."
Q. Name something you might find in a garageA. A grand piano
Q. Name a fast animalA. A hippo
Q. Name something that has a shellA. Batman
Q. Name any dance apart from the waltzA. The ball dance
Q. Name a non-living object with legsA. A plant
Q. Name a mode of transport that you can walk inA. Your shoes
Q. Name something you do on waterA. Wallpaper
Q. Name a musical instrument you can play in the bathA. A drum kit
Q. Name a part of your body you only have one ofA. Your big toe
Q. Name a Thunderbirds characterA. Doctor Spock
Q. Name another TV game show with the word 'family' in the titleA. The Generation Game
Q. Name a seaside resort on the south coastA. Rio de Janeiro
Q. Name something with a red light on itA. A Dalek
Q. Name a type of recordA. A floppy disk
Q. Name something you use a microchip inA. A fish-fryer
Q. Name a game played in the darkA. Charades
Q. Name a part of the body you have more than two ofA. Arms
Q. Name something you take to the beach A. Turkey sandwiches
Q. Name something a blind person might use A. A sword
Q. Name a song with moon in the title A. Blue Suede Moon
Q. Name a bird with a long neck A. Naomi Campbell
Q. Name an occupation where you need a torch A. A burglar
Q. Name a famous brother and sister A. Bonnie & Clyde
Q. Name a dangerous race A. The Arabs
Q. Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers A. A horse
Q. Name something that floats in the bath A. Water
Q. Name something you wear on the beach A. A deckchair
Q. Name a famous royal A. Mail
Q. Name a number you have to memorise A. 7
Q. Name something in the garden that's green A. Shed
Q. Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine A. A bicycle with wings
Q. Name something you might be allergic to A. Skiing
Q. Name a famous bridge A. The bridge over troubled waters
Q. Name something a cat does A. Goes to the toilet
Q. Name something you do in the bathroom A. Decorate
Q. Name an animal you might see at the zoo A. A dog
Q. Name something associated with the police A. Pigs
Q. Name a sign of the zodiac A. April
Q. Name something slippery A. A conman
Q. Name a way of cooking fish A. Cod
Q. Name a food that can be brown or white A. Potato
Q. Name a jacket potato topping A. Jam
Q. Name a famous Scotsman A. Jock
Q. Name something with a hole in it A. Window
Q. Name a non-living object with legs A. Plant
Q. Name a domestic animal A. Leopard
Q. Name a part of the body beginning with 'N' A. Knee
Q. Name a kind of ache A. Fillet 'O' Fish
Q. Name something you open other than a door A. Your bowels
Q. Name an instrument you can play while walking in the street
A. A cello..
Q. Name a type of oil
A. Sewing-machine oil..
Q. A word beginning with Z
A. Xylophone
Q. Name an animal with horn
A. A bee
Q. Name a medieval weapon
A. Hand-grenade
Q. Name something made of wool:
A. A sheep
Q. Name something a bridegroom might wear
A. A dress
Q. Name an animal with a long tail
A A rabbit
Q. Name something a train-spotter would have in his pocket
A. A magnifying glass
Q. Something you put out for the birds
A. Worms
Q. Name a way to prevent snoring
A. Put a pillow over his face
Q. Name a song from 'The Sound Of Music'
A. Dancing Queen
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")
.
Q. Name a reason for kneeling A. To be beheaded
Q. Name a measurement of liquidA. Paint
Q. Name a wild animal that's native to BritainA. A bear
Q. Name something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your houseA. Feeds your pets
Q. Name something that comes in 7'sA. Fingers
Q. Name a vocalist known by only one nameA. Michael Jackson
Q. Name a yellow fruitA. Orange
Q. Name something associated with LiverpoolA. The Yellow Brick Road
Q. Name a boy mentioned in a nursery rhymeA. Little Red Riding Hood
Q. Name something associated with Queen VictoriaA. Her husbands
Q. Name something you hide in your socks when you go swimmingA. Your legs
Q. Name a place you would keep a penA. A zoo
Q. Name something associated with rainA. Water
Q. Name an animal that lives in the English countrysideA. A lion
Q. Name a game that uses a black ballA. Darts
Q. Name a popular TV soapA. Dove
Q. Name a type of bag other than a “carrier”A. Horse.."
Q. Name something you might find in a garageA. A grand piano
Q. Name a fast animalA. A hippo
Q. Name something that has a shellA. Batman
Q. Name any dance apart from the waltzA. The ball dance
Q. Name a non-living object with legsA. A plant
Q. Name a mode of transport that you can walk inA. Your shoes
Q. Name something you do on waterA. Wallpaper
Q. Name a musical instrument you can play in the bathA. A drum kit
Q. Name a part of your body you only have one ofA. Your big toe
Q. Name a Thunderbirds characterA. Doctor Spock
Q. Name another TV game show with the word 'family' in the titleA. The Generation Game
Q. Name a seaside resort on the south coastA. Rio de Janeiro
Q. Name something with a red light on itA. A Dalek
Q. Name a type of recordA. A floppy disk
Q. Name something you use a microchip inA. A fish-fryer
Q. Name a game played in the darkA. Charades
Q. Name a part of the body you have more than two ofA. Arms