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A Points Guide for Understanding Women
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules of dealing with women. At last this points guide will help you to understand just how it works.
AIM:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.
Here's a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................. .+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to buy her extra-light pantie liners with wings...+5
in the snow.......................... ...........+8
but return with beer.......................... ..-5
and no liners........................ ..........-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5
You smash it with a cricket bat...................+10
It's her cat........................... ........-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire evening........... 0
You stay by her side for a bit, then go and chat with a mate from the pub...-2
Called Tiffany......................-4
Who is a lap dancer................-10
With breast implants...............-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday...................... ......... 0
You buy a card and flowers....................... ....... 0
You take her out to dinner........................ ...... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Ok, it is a sports bar........................... .....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.........................-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team...-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a mate.......................... ............. 0
The mate is happily married....................... ...+1
The mate is single........................ ...........-7
He drives a Ferrari....................... ..........-10
With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film.......................... +2
You take her to a see a film she likes................+4
You take her to a see a film you hate.................+6
You take her to a see a film you like.................-2
It's called Death Cop III........................... ..-3
Featuring Cyborgs that eat humans.....................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.................... ..-10
You reply, "Where?"...................... .......-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your * * * *".........-100
Any other response...................... ........-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.............0
You listen, for over 30 minutes....................... ...+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.... +50
You're mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do?".........-100
You have fallen asleep........................ .....-200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.......................... ...............-100
You don't talk.......................... .........-150
You spend time with her..........................-200
You don't spend time with her....................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself.....GAME OVER - YOU LOSE
This was nicked from elsewhere
AIM:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.
Here's a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................. .+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to buy her extra-light pantie liners with wings...+5
in the snow.......................... ...........+8
but return with beer.......................... ..-5
and no liners........................ ..........-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5
You smash it with a cricket bat...................+10
It's her cat........................... ........-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire evening........... 0
You stay by her side for a bit, then go and chat with a mate from the pub...-2
Called Tiffany......................-4
Who is a lap dancer................-10
With breast implants...............-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday...................... ......... 0
You buy a card and flowers....................... ....... 0
You take her out to dinner........................ ...... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Ok, it is a sports bar........................... .....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.........................-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colours of your favourite team...-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a mate.......................... ............. 0
The mate is happily married....................... ...+1
The mate is single........................ ...........-7
He drives a Ferrari....................... ..........-10
With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film.......................... +2
You take her to a see a film she likes................+4
You take her to a see a film you hate.................+6
You take her to a see a film you like.................-2
It's called Death Cop III........................... ..-3
Featuring Cyborgs that eat humans.....................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy shirts...-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.................... ..-10
You reply, "Where?"...................... .......-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your * * * *".........-100
Any other response...................... ........-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.............0
You listen, for over 30 minutes....................... ...+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.... +50
You're mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do?".........-100
You have fallen asleep........................ .....-200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.......................... ...............-100
You don't talk.......................... .........-150
You spend time with her..........................-200
You don't spend time with her....................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself.....GAME OVER - YOU LOSE
This was nicked from elsewhere
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