Blonde quickies

[Woodzie]

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"

Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan.

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else does."

Hear about the blonde explorer?
She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?
She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.

How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
Branch manager.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk."

[Woodzie]

some more



Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps.

What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen?
Far-from-thinkin.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.

Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.

What do you give the blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.

Why do blondes get confused in the bathroom?
They have to pull their own pants down.

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

[Woodzie]

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A1: An interpreter.
A2: A translator.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better

[Woodzie]

Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange
juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB?
A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

[Woodzie]

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
she did with her cigarette.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

[Woodzie]

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain
surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN'T WAIT TO SEE "20,000 LEAGUES UNDER
THE SEA"?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many
teams.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES
CLOSED?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

[Woodzie]

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
A: They take off their makeup.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and
a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell
if they're going to work or coming home.