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Another oldie... later used for political purposes by the Sun
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in
favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words
like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it
should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be
dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a
rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in
favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words
like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it
should go away.
By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be
dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a
rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.