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> >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
>you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls
>on little Ralphy.
> >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
> >thinking."
> >
> >
> >Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU.
> >There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
> >One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
> >The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
> >The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
> >Which one is married?"
> >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
>that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> >To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
>wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)
> >Little RALPHY returns from school and
>says he got an F in arithmetic.
> >"Why?" asks the father?
> >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies RALPHY.
> >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> >"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
> >"What's the f .....! difference?" asks the father.
> >"That's what I said!"
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
> >Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
>to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
>multi-syllable word?"
> >RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate."
> >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful."
> >Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
> >Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
> >All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
> >He
>yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p1ss!!"
> >The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in
>this situation.
> >The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
> >Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> >allow you to go."
> >
> >Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, ! "You're an eight, but
>if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
> >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
>of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
>twice.
> >First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
> >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> >
> >"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on
>little
> >Michael.
> >
> >"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
> >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
>little RALPHY.
> >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
>pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
> >Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
>another.
> >After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know
>eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
>teeth, and make you fat."
> >Little RALPHY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> >Little RALPHY answered, "No, he minded his own f.......
>business.
> >
> >
> >I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!
>you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls
>on little Ralphy.
> >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
> >thinking."
> >
> >
> >Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU.
> >There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
> >One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
> >The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
> >The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
> >Which one is married?"
> >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
>that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> >To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
>wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)
> >Little RALPHY returns from school and
>says he got an F in arithmetic.
> >"Why?" asks the father?
> >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies RALPHY.
> >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> >"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
> >"What's the f .....! difference?" asks the father.
> >"That's what I said!"
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
> >Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
>to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
>multi-syllable word?"
> >RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate."
> >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful."
> >Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
> >Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
> >All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
> >He
>yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p1ss!!"
> >The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in
>this situation.
> >The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
> >Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> >allow you to go."
> >
> >Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, ! "You're an eight, but
>if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
> >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
>of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
>twice.
> >First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
> >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> >
> >"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on
>little
> >Michael.
> >
> >"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
> >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
>little RALPHY.
> >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
>pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"
> >
> >
> >LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
> >Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
>another.
> >After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know
>eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
>teeth, and make you fat."
> >Little RALPHY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> >Little RALPHY answered, "No, he minded his own f.......
>business.
> >
> >
> >I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!