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Man rules
The Rules of Man
>
>
> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
> (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
> (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> (e) When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
> and eaten by his buddies.
>
> 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
> of jail within 12 hours.
>
> 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
> forever unless you actually marry her.
>
> 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
> However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
> 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
> man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
> At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's
> choice.
>
> 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> weakest.
>
> 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
> the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
>
> 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her
> to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
> flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
> 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
> sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and
> only when it's free.
>
> 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
> kick another guy in the nuts.
>
> 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
> 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
> 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
> until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
> much as the other sports watchers.
>
> 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
> sober enough to fight.
>
> 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
> but not both, that's just greedy.
>
> 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
> his choice of beer.
>
> 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
> except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
> 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
> (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
> 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
> i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
> an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
> 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
> you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
> if necessary.
>
> 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
> carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
> is no reason for you not to nail each other again
> before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>
> 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
> her to drive yours.
>
> 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
> orange or sky blue.
>
> 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
> with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
> story.
>
> 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
> Ever.
>
>
> Finally, We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
> really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
> informed, the definition of each is listed below:
>
> GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
> still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>
> BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
> perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
> and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>
> ______________________________ _________
The Rules of Man
>
>
> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
> (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
> (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> (e) When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
> and eaten by his buddies.
>
> 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
> of jail within 12 hours.
>
> 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
> forever unless you actually marry her.
>
> 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
> However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
> 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
> man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
> At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's
> choice.
>
> 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> weakest.
>
> 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
> the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
>
> 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her
> to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
> flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
> 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
> sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and
> only when it's free.
>
> 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
> kick another guy in the nuts.
>
> 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
> 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
> 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
> until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
> much as the other sports watchers.
>
> 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
> sober enough to fight.
>
> 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
> but not both, that's just greedy.
>
> 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
> his choice of beer.
>
> 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
> except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
> 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
> (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
> 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
> i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
> an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
> 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
> you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
> if necessary.
>
> 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
> carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
> is no reason for you not to nail each other again
> before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>
> 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
> her to drive yours.
>
> 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
> orange or sky blue.
>
> 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
> with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
> story.
>
> 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
> Ever.
>
>
> Finally, We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
> really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
> informed, the definition of each is listed below:
>
> GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
> assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
> still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>
> BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
> perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
> and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>
> ______________________________ _________