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Things to have learned by the time you're 30...
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out
Don't worry about what people will think; they don't
do it very often
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car
It isn't the jeans that make your bottom look fat
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity
The idea of housework is to sweep through the house
with a thorough glance
No evidence supports the notion that life is serious
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government programme
If you look like your passport picture, you could
probably do with the trip
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of
cheques
A conscience is what hurts when your other parts feel
good
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it
No man has ever been shot in the process of doing the
dishes
A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand
Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of
the waist change places
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three days before it's needed
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognise a mistake when you make it again
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out
Don't worry about what people will think; they don't
do it very often
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car
It isn't the jeans that make your bottom look fat
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity
The idea of housework is to sweep through the house
with a thorough glance
No evidence supports the notion that life is serious
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission
For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government programme
If you look like your passport picture, you could
probably do with the trip
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of
cheques
A conscience is what hurts when your other parts feel
good
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it
No man has ever been shot in the process of doing the
dishes
A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand
Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of
the waist change places
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three days before it's needed
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognise a mistake when you make it again
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before