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A few that made me Laugh
This gut goes into the bar and sees his friend there( whom never drinks). He says to the guy" what's the matter" the guy says "well I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend"
The friend says "that's awful. let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it. where's your wife?" "I threw her out!" " well what did you do to your best friend?"
I grabbed him by the throat and shook him real hard and said "BAD DOG! BAD DOG! "
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One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage. While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and
asks her about the trunk.
She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. He accepts her answer and eventually forgets all about the matter.
Three years later when he is cleaning out the attic, he runs across the trunk and again asks his wife what's in it. She again tells him that it contains only personal things, but this time he is more persistent. So she sits him down and reminds him that she makes him happy when he's feeling down, that she keeps the house meticulously clean, that she
cooks him fantastic meals 7 days a week, and that she gives him all the sex he wants, anytime he wants it. Then she tells him if he is happy with all of those things, that he should forget about the trunk because she will not talk about it. "Fair enough," says the husband, and he finishes
cleaning out the attic.
On their 25th wedding anniversary, he pulls the trunk down the stairs, into the middle of the living room floor, and calls to his wife. "Honey," he says, "we've been married for 25 years and I think it's time we had a heart-to-heart talk. What the hell is in that trunk?" The wife immediately protests, reminding him once again about the clean house, the good food and the great sex. "I don't care," he tells her. "After 25 years we ought to be able to talk about anything. Now open this goddamn trunk!"
So, she takes a key from a chain hanging around her neck and opens the trunk. Inside is three ears of corn and 25
thousand dollars in cash.
"Jesus Christ!" shouts the surprised husband. "What's going on here? Where did all of this come from?"
"Well, sweetie," replies the wife, "you said we could talk, so I'll tell you what you want to know. Over the years, I tried to stay faithful to you, but I wasn't always successful. Every time that I cheated on you, I put an ear of corn into the trunk."
The husband cannot believe the shocking confession that he
has just heard, but after mulling it over in his mind for a few moments he says to his wife, "All right, I admit I'm not too thrilled about this, but I did say we should be honest with each other, and I guess I can live with three incidents of infidelity in 25 years. But where did all the money come from?"
"Well," she replies, "whenever the trunk got full, I sold the corn.
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A little boy and his father walk into a drugstore and proceed down the aisle with the condoms.
The little boy sees a 3-pack of Trojans and asks his father who needs a 3-pack of condoms.
The father replies, "That's for the high school boys, one for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday night."
The little boy then asks, "Well, what about this 6-pack of condoms?"
The father says, "That's for the college boys, two on Friday, two on Saturday, and two on Sunday."
The little boy's eyes widen when he sees the 12-pack of condoms and asks incredously, "What kind of man needs a 12-pack?"
The father replies, "Relax, son, that's for the married man, one for January, one for February,....."
The friend says "that's awful. let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it. where's your wife?" "I threw her out!" " well what did you do to your best friend?"
I grabbed him by the throat and shook him real hard and said "BAD DOG! BAD DOG! "
.............................. .............................. .............................. .............................. ....
One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage. While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and
asks her about the trunk.
She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. He accepts her answer and eventually forgets all about the matter.
Three years later when he is cleaning out the attic, he runs across the trunk and again asks his wife what's in it. She again tells him that it contains only personal things, but this time he is more persistent. So she sits him down and reminds him that she makes him happy when he's feeling down, that she keeps the house meticulously clean, that she
cooks him fantastic meals 7 days a week, and that she gives him all the sex he wants, anytime he wants it. Then she tells him if he is happy with all of those things, that he should forget about the trunk because she will not talk about it. "Fair enough," says the husband, and he finishes
cleaning out the attic.
On their 25th wedding anniversary, he pulls the trunk down the stairs, into the middle of the living room floor, and calls to his wife. "Honey," he says, "we've been married for 25 years and I think it's time we had a heart-to-heart talk. What the hell is in that trunk?" The wife immediately protests, reminding him once again about the clean house, the good food and the great sex. "I don't care," he tells her. "After 25 years we ought to be able to talk about anything. Now open this goddamn trunk!"
So, she takes a key from a chain hanging around her neck and opens the trunk. Inside is three ears of corn and 25
thousand dollars in cash.
"Jesus Christ!" shouts the surprised husband. "What's going on here? Where did all of this come from?"
"Well, sweetie," replies the wife, "you said we could talk, so I'll tell you what you want to know. Over the years, I tried to stay faithful to you, but I wasn't always successful. Every time that I cheated on you, I put an ear of corn into the trunk."
The husband cannot believe the shocking confession that he
has just heard, but after mulling it over in his mind for a few moments he says to his wife, "All right, I admit I'm not too thrilled about this, but I did say we should be honest with each other, and I guess I can live with three incidents of infidelity in 25 years. But where did all the money come from?"
"Well," she replies, "whenever the trunk got full, I sold the corn.
.............................. .............................. .............................. .....
A little boy and his father walk into a drugstore and proceed down the aisle with the condoms.
The little boy sees a 3-pack of Trojans and asks his father who needs a 3-pack of condoms.
The father replies, "That's for the high school boys, one for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday night."
The little boy then asks, "Well, what about this 6-pack of condoms?"
The father says, "That's for the college boys, two on Friday, two on Saturday, and two on Sunday."
The little boy's eyes widen when he sees the 12-pack of condoms and asks incredously, "What kind of man needs a 12-pack?"
The father replies, "Relax, son, that's for the married man, one for January, one for February,....."