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Mildred, 93 and despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl,
decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it
would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army
pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was
so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a
burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her
heart's exact location.
"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your
left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung-up without answering.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot
wound to her left knee.
The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets upand moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will
have to sit in the back.The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the Captain and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and she will not move back to her seat.
The Co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for Economy she will have to leave First Class and return to her seat.The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Houston."
The Co-pilot returns to the cockpit and tells the Captain that he should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest the blonde woman as she won't listen to reason.The Captain says, "You say she's blonde? I will handle this. I'm married to a blonde, I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm
sorry," and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy
section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
The Captain said, "I told her, First Class isn't going to Houston."
After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over, looks around,
and notices a framed picture of another man on the bedside table. Naturally,the poor chap begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquiresnervously. "No, silly." she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your
boyfriend then?" he asks. "No, not at all," she whispers, nibbling away at his ear."Is it your dad or your brother?" he asks, hoping to be reassured. "No,no, no!!!" she says. "Well who is he then?" demands the bewildered guy.
Calmly the girl replies, "That's me before the surgery."
decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking it
would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army
pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was
so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a
burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her
heart's exact location.
"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your
left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung-up without answering.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot
wound to her left knee.
The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets upand moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will
have to sit in the back.The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the Captain and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and she will not move back to her seat.
The Co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for Economy she will have to leave First Class and return to her seat.The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to Houston."
The Co-pilot returns to the cockpit and tells the Captain that he should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest the blonde woman as she won't listen to reason.The Captain says, "You say she's blonde? I will handle this. I'm married to a blonde, I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm
sorry," and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy
section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
The Captain said, "I told her, First Class isn't going to Houston."
After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over, looks around,
and notices a framed picture of another man on the bedside table. Naturally,the poor chap begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquiresnervously. "No, silly." she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your
boyfriend then?" he asks. "No, not at all," she whispers, nibbling away at his ear."Is it your dad or your brother?" he asks, hoping to be reassured. "No,no, no!!!" she says. "Well who is he then?" demands the bewildered guy.
Calmly the girl replies, "That's me before the surgery."
